Tad, I'm happy to read that you may have a lead on another position. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
I have to agree w/the posters about this latest drama that's going on w/your xw and the boys. Your xw is doing some of the things that they all do. Your son is old enough to cut her off when she starts talking to him in a disrespectful way and if he's in her presence, walk away and do not engage in an argument. Why are they saying goodnight to each other? He's not a little boy any longer.
As for being an active member to celebrations and events that your family puts on, well, that's on them...but she's not even related at this point and is considered an xw or just a friend. It'll get old and eventually she may stop going.
I realize that your son needed someone to talk to, but you and only you, need to determine when the conversation needs to end. You see, you've gotten yourself all spun up over stuff that doesn't involved you at all. What's happening is that life didn't turn out the way she thought it would and she's now reaping what she sowed in so many ways and guess what! You didn't have a hand in any of it. Your sons are in the same boat that you are...being punished for something you didn't have a thing to do with. It's all about her and her little fantasy world not being what she wanted.
Tad, your sons have to figure out a way to have some sort of relationship w/their mother. It's not your problem to deal w/because they are grown men and if they can't work it out w/her, then they shouldn't have any contact w/her at all, i.e., possibly bare minimum since she tends to fly off the handle quite a bit.
Tad, focus on you and searching for a job. It's up to your sons and their mother to figure out what type of relationship they will have, if any. Stay out of the line of fire.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
