Just be careful of your friend she might be telling him look mm is single and open to offers from you!
It can lead to trouble, if he thinks he's on a sure thing, and gets slapped as he's vulnerable from the break up. I had a couple of women over time set me up as the next great thing for their x husband, one thought as I was female and sounded nice I would be perfect. Even tho in a relationship at the time.
So long as he's on the same page, as you and he's got no expectations of being mr mm! G and have a great time.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
Good job, Magic. I use to have a big problem interrupting my H when talking. And once I did it, then he never finished what he started out to say. Then if I wanted to know, I would have to ask him. It's a bad habit.
Remember me saying that he wil bel testing you and continuing his game playing? Take a look at his example here:
Quote:
He mentioned that real estate agent lady had called him earlier today to say his opportunity is still possible (I gave it no attention... I don't want to be jealous) Then he randomly started off with "I'm not sure what your plans are or if you want to go, but X (family member), is having their annual summer party in July and thought you might like to go"... or something to that effect
He was trying to set you up, Magic. First, he pulls the old jealousy card. When you didn't respond the way he expected, then he dangled the bait (again) at another opportunity of being with him. Again, he makes sure not to clarify, b/c in the past, your wheels would be turning. "Is this a date? Does this mean he want to see where it leads? Etc., etc.". I bet he was surprised you didn't jump on it! Great job!
You will have to battle your own thoughts now. Don't let your thoughts run the old treadmill you've done in past times. Every time you start having questions, shut your thoughts down. Otherwise, those old though patterns will be self-defeating. Counteract those questions & second guessing yourself with your new mission statements. If you don't know what they are.........decide.
He uses a lazy, cowardly, immature, and almost sleezy style. You don't have to put up with it. You can do much better, and deserve much better. Let his mother & father's R be a warning to you. You can see where his mom was crazy for the way she chose to deal with things. Don't copy her style.
I use to watch my dad fish. He would fish for a certain kind. He would use bait he had had success catching that particular fish. But sometimes the bait he used didn't seem to work. Know what he did? Yep, he switched bait. He didn't give up until he ran out of various baits.........and then he would say, "Well, they are biting today!" Your xbf is going to try old familiar bait to hook you. When he doesn't get a nibble, he'll try a different bait to see if you bite.
He tried the familiar jealousy bait, got no nibbles. So then he he tried an event bait that he thought got a nibble last week. But for some reason, he didn't catch anything. (lol). So now what does he do? He starts out with the old familiar bait.......and gets nothing. Then he baits his hook with another event. And he's still dangling the hook in the water. Don't bite!!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Hi Sandi... he uses lazy/casual style to ask me things!! "Im not sure if you are busy or what your schedule".... so that he can back out quickly if I were to jump in, like I used to do.
Yesterday he tried a few things to "temperature check" with me along with a few nice words/guestures... I don't think I fell for them.
Things like: asking me to pick up coffee's (he had the cookies), trying to strike up odd/uncomfortable conversations. Possibly hoping I would comment or to see my reaction. Him, trying to stay upbeat & funny. Making sexual jokes (that I usually indulge in). Making it obvious that he had "sore" arm (as I massaged it a few days ago). Telling me I was pretty twice in a non direct way. Asking me if I would like a drink from his pop or would I prefer my own (I'd like my own, thanks). Offering me his hand down off a high position (not the first time, but the second). Ensuring that I took the cat, when I seemed to be in a hurry to leave. Texting with my daughter at 10pm last night too.
These may not seem like much from an outsider position, but I did feel him reach..to see if I was there.
I think I did ok. I did laugh back at his jokes, innuendo's but did not engage back (like I usually do). I did accept his hand guesture down from high place, and I did a smile & wave guesture when he was in the car in front of me, he smiled and waved back << I wish I hadn't done that.
So... why do I feel like I have expectations today??
I am not going to allow myself to fall for his stuff of yesterday. I need to reprogram my thoughts back to knowing he is confused, selfish, and "doesn't know". I am not going to be "hooked". If he should ever ask "why" I have backed off and have stopped falling for his crumbs...what would I say?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Last night was fun...but late. Went to see a tribute band of my favourite band with my gf's husband and to watch our other friend headline... was really good. The three of us have been "dumped" so we all understand what we are all feeling.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Yes, it sounds like you did fine. I think it was okay to smile and wave goodbye. I mean, you laughed at his jokes, so why wouldn't you smile and wave goodbye?
Are the jokes he is telling something you feel is appropriate in a business setting? Do you engage in sexual jokes with other business associates, or customers? I believe it was a step in the right direction for you not to encourage him by engaging. Redirecting the focus back on business is the goal.
Yes, he continues to test. But he may see a new Magic who does not fall for those old tricks anymore.
Good job!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I am frustrated... in reading from another thread about a mlc husband who faced reality when his wife dropped the rope. I question does it really take for these guys to go THAT far, before they realize what is in front of their face? Does ANYONE ever appreciate it while they still have their "anchor"? GRRRRR.
I am so disappointed and insulted that he does not appreciate what is in his face... even though he admits all the love, sexual desire, good qualities that I am...
I really wish I had understood this sooner. It would have probably been more effective for R earlier, as now if I am "gone" he "may" be ok with it as he no longer requires the anchor (safety net) for him to be able to do what he wants with his life. He can move forward. I have gradually been letting the rope down, I see this now.... (SAD).
I am dropping the rope for ME...its healthier for me. At this point, even if he were to offer me a Keg dinner, I'd be inclined to decline. I am not falling for those old tricks anymore... Im tired of that!
Is temperature checking a sign of interest? Because, when my XH and I split up... he was done, never temp checked...he could care less if I was "there" or not. my XH was completely done right from the beginning!!! My Xbf, seems to want to ensure that I am "there". Its like he basically knows that he will eventually come back (plan b) if plan a shouldn't work out.
F-that!!!! I am not an option ~~~ I am a CHOICE!!
^^^^^ THIS MAKES ME SOOOO MADDDD!!!
Why do they bother to test, if they are not interested in investing? I would love to hear from husband who was in mlc and his wife presented reality... he got it!!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I am frustrated... in reading from another thread about a mlc husband who faced reality when his wife dropped the rope. I question does it really take for these guys to go THAT far, before they realize what is in front of their face? Does ANYONE ever appreciate it while they still have their "anchor"? GRRRRR.
Yes, it appears so.
What made you decide your xbf was MLC and not WAS? The "symptoms" are very similar.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Thanks sandi, some of this threads been so helpful to me. Mine h has now jumped into action knee jerk of course, now I'm taking steps to protect my finances.
Tonight he played the now your doing this I'm never coming back called me names nasty bitch, liar, cheat, back stabber, threatened court etc. I did over play my role slighly in that I said I'm ensuring I'm never ever going back, Meaning to how things were. He insisted i was the whole blame, etc.
I told him do what you need to do. That's fine. He tryed all sorts of versions that mm bf did. I was awesome, he got not one cigar.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
You see that term frequently that peeps want to see if the "grass is greener." Of course, the grass is greener where you water it. However, some folks think it is easier to leave what they have and start over because they hope that will be less work. Their issues remain the same and they will reserface at some point.
So like GM says, do it for you. If you have read past threads you will know that for some, a) they don't want to go back b)for others, even if they do want to go back, it can be too difficult to face what they have done and c) the LBS moves on.
Keep the focus on you. Don't worry about xbf. He is where he is:)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Starsky... YES!! I have decided I want more... but, could I actually "say" that? if asked? Doesn't that sound like I am waiting for him to give me more? putting pressure on him?
Sandi... MLC because he decided he wanted BIG CHANGES after his best friend died. It happened pretty much within 6m of that, he started fading away, distancing himself. He also turned the dreaded "50", which he feels is old. Did a whole medical check up too. He says that he is "disappointed" in out there (and I don't think he means just women, people and life in general). He feels life is short and has only 20 good years left.
Ggrass...what versions did your h try? Good for you... not one cigar!!
GM23 ... I find his "taking time" to be very insulting... not appreciating it while its "here". I feel taken advantage of....GRRR. Yes, dropping the rope is for me. I am just concerned that I have dragged it out so long & that I have enabled his MLC while I was his anchor. I feel that I have been slowly exiting...he may not even notice or care. I really wish I had done this sooner.!!!!
G'belle ... Yes, he knows that the grass isn't greener. He has told me. I just wish he realized the FULL value of what I represent. I feel that he thinks he can do this just a little longer, to see what pans out for him.
I am not PLAN B!!!
How long does it take of my consistency of dropping the rope before it becomes believable that I am no longer his anchor?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
