New Here and to MLC Sinking Fast

[AJM]

That's the thing, Tears. Learning to deal. Trial and error.

The way trial and error works, is that some things work, and others don't. That results in some "good" days and some "not as good".

A few things to kind of focus on might help - focus on the fact that you'll be fine. Focus on the fact that your kids, with your help, will be fine. You need to know that you will be fine when the dust settles, and that until then it will be "uncomfortable" for you at times. It will also be a lot of fun at times.

Anger? It'll come. It'll go. You will have times that remind you of what he walked away from.

As the others mentioned, before you take action on the divorce, be sure that you won't look back. Personally, I don't think you're there yet from what you've posted. I think he would really like you to be the one to file. As if he feels he "deserves" it. (he does, but that's a point in time and different).

As you consider, consider what it is YOU want, with or without him. You can control you and your actions, so it makes sense to figure out what you want. Look beyond the immediate and look to the future. 10 years from now, how do you want to look back on YOUR actions and decisions? What is it you would wish you did during these times?

Taking a longer view, aside from the pain and difficulty often helps you see clearly.

If you do decide to divorce, you'll know that you are not looking back. It's usually a one-way trip, but that's not to say it doesn't come with pain. In other words, divorcing won't end the pain and his contact etc.

If that's your only goal, I suggest you look to yourself vs. taking action. Because sometimes, the best action to take is no action at all.

Watch the money. Protect it. Job is right, he'll burn it to the ground. It really is up to you to protect the assets, no matter what else happens between you two.

I am glad you're getting a better handle on dealing with the interactions. It's confusing - the push/pull of it all.

Don't think for a second he doesn't think about it. Don't think he's not aware, on some level, of what he's doing. But he is watching, in part because he is testing your integrity even while he has none. He would like nothing more than to find you with somebody else so he can point the finger at you and say it was your fault. That's crazy, but that's how it works.

I'm still living that As an example (there are many on these boards) in my case, I never did cheat etc, but years and years later, even her now H is accusing me of cheating alongside her accusations. I still deal with her wanting to "compete" with me for the kids (yikes), and her wanting to try and snoop and hurt me. Years after the divorce. The divorce doesn't end the pain.

They watch so they can make themselves feel better by making you out to be the bad spouse. The monster. It's called projecting in some circles. Don't be surprised by it, but understand that you lend weight to it if you acknowledge it. You handled it very well by letting him know you are not interested in that kind of stuff.

You are doing very well. You are early in all of this, but doing very well believe it or not. I know it feels like you may not, but as an outsider who's been where you are, you are doing very well. Be confident of that.

As for the rains and pours - if things were well between you, it would be "life" that's happening, right? But right now, you're much more sensitive to those things (the dog, the shed, being in the same room with him). See that for what it is and realize you didn't do this to him. You can be in the same room, and his discomfort is his issue. When you're ready to be in the same room, that is.

Peace,
AJ