hope456 - accepting my new reality

[labug]

I get that I shouldn't be upset because my H is upset or sad because he is sad. BUT, I think it is human to feel compassion for his struggle. I also think it is human to feel disappointment and hurt when a person whom you love (and who professed for yours to love you) stops living up to their word. What am I missing here? I don't see detachment making those feelings go away.

It's a difficult concept because we've been conditioned otherwise for most of our live. Once you get it tho, it can make your life so much easier.

First, he most likely didn't stop living up to his word, let go of the judgment and see him for what he is, a term you use often in describing him is struggling.

Detachment doesn't mean you have no feelings but that you, in simple terms, don't bite the hook. His distress doesn't become your distress, you don't try to fix something that's not yours to fix. Most of us have enough on our side of the ledger to keep us busy.

You still feel, it's just in proportion.

"I feel sad that my H is struggling but his struggle is his struggle. I wish him the best."

So you can love him, have compassion for him, and be kind to him but you leave him to his life. And here's a pearl, no one but you expects you to fix him.

This will also come in handy with your daughter as she matures.

About the conversations, I hope you can have no expectation that they are more than him talking with his BF.