Barrybran - New Thread

[Barrybran]

I had a good day today. My wife was moody in the morning and understandably so. She went to work and I set about my day. The kids cleaned their bedrooms, I did some chores and then I organised everyone, went into town to run an errand and spent some time at the park with the kids. D2 was a hoot as she was chasing geese in the park while S7 and D4 were perched on top of a rock and hiding behind my leg respectively. It was nice to take them all down as S7 misses out on a lot since he goes to school and I've been guilty of not putting effort into having quality time with him. After the park we went to lunch in town, popped in to visit W at work to get the kids some water and took them out to other family for them to spend the night. I had a good chat with would-be MIL and FIL and watched the kids interacting with them and their grandson.

I came back home, did more chores, watched some football and went for a walk as my wife was due to arrive home. My wife responded to my letter and a while later asked me if I had any reaction. I told her she gave me some things to think about and that I was going to put due thought into it before I respond. She appeared confused by this and I stood my ground. We got into a conversation about the letter. I stated that my expectations of our relationship were wrong and that I had treated not only her but our kids and both our families poorly. She went into details of the letter and I STFU and listened. I really wanted to say that the letter reflected my thoughts and opinions then and not now. I didn't say a word though.

One of the more controversial things in my letter was that I questioned why I should remain faithful to my wife when she showed no interest in me at all, our sex life had reduced to very little/zero and she was rejecting my advances. It was a thought I had at my darkest point when I was very philosophical about societal expectations of married people versus what was actually happening within my own marriage. It's a completely absurd view now. Something that shouldn't be tolerated. I do have a greater understanding of why people enter affairs as they feel lost and often don't have the tools to deal with it appropriately. This is another thing I would love to say to my wife as I feel confident I can deal with that situation now when I felt I couldn't deal with it at the time. At the time I had unrealistic expectations of our relationship and very little self-esteem and self-respect and I relied on her for my own happiness. When it wasn't forthcoming, I didn't know how to handle it and I veered towards someone who was showing me positive attention. It doesn't make it right. It is important to acknowledge the feelings though. I would love to tell my wife all of this and I feel it's an important step in any potential reconciliation. I stayed away from it tonight and focused on her feelings and thoughts. I just listened and validated and clarified information as required. I handled it pretty well I feel.

After the conversation, she offered to put on dinner for me and we ate in separate rooms. She wanted ice cream so I offered to go to the store and when I couldn't find the ice cream she wanted, I made a decision myself as to what to get and brought it home. It was the wrong stuff and she was gracious enough to thank me for the effort despite getting it wrong. She asked if I wanted to watch a movie with her and she suggested picking up where we left off with the Harry Potter series that we hadn't watched in a couple of months. Obviously there was no intimacy. It was nice to have my wife ask to do something with me, enjoy her company and have some small talk.

It's a quiet house now as the kids aren't around and my wife is in bed. I'm watching the end of another football game and I'll reread what my wife said in response to my letter. I'll probably draft a response tonight and review it in the morning.