Would you say this is a snapshot of your communication with H through your time together? IN reading it I could see both sides because I'm not emotionally invested. He thought he was being clear, you thought you were being clear.
What can you do to make communication better?
Since that conversation, H has actually said that he knew that we had discussed and agreed to something else, but that an opportunity came up for him to file and so he did it anyway. That aside, I have a tendency to adjust my communication (tone, wording, body language) with H on the basis of my perception of his intention rather than taking what he says at face value. That's something I need to work on.
GB & labug - I'm not detached. I know that I'm not and I want to be. However, I think I'm confused about detachment. I get that I shouldn't be upset because my H is upset or sad because he is sad. BUT, I think it is human to feel compassion for his struggle. I also think it is human to feel disappointment and hurt when a person whom you love (and who professed for yours to love you) stops living up to their word. What am I missing here? I don't see detachment making those feelings go away.
Originally Posted By: owl777
DBing coach will help. He wants to keep his BF, and have his piece of cake too. Do you want that? I didn't settle for that and will not. I stand firm that if H wants a D then I'm done with a R at all. Now, my sitch is such that he won't MC or even try, but I went dark when he wasn't communicating. You have a daughter together and have to communicate, but you don't have to be BF. You can be friendly, polite and caring. You need to give him a reason not to D you. That's my opinion. Others please respond if I'm wrong and misguiding Hope456.
Owl - My DB coach is strongly encouraging me to continue my friendship with my H. She believes that keeping that strong friendship and being patient could help my M a great deal.
Speaking with my DB coach helped a lot yesterday. First, it is encouraging to hear an outsider say that she still sees hope for my M. She thinks that my H is still very confused and lost. She thinks that the amount and type of communication he initiates is pretty unusual for someone who really, truly wants a D. She thinks I should still accept invitations from H to hang out "as friends" and try to keep those positive interactions up. She said that I should accept more often than I decline.
Since I last posted, H and I have had a several conversations (at his initiation) about his feelings in general, not R-related specifically. He told me that he's feeling lonely. He also talked some about the schedule with D7. He was really open and vulnerable. These were great opportunities for me to empathize and validate and I feel like I did a good job with that. He actually called me this morning and thanked me for listening yesterday. He, D7 and I had dinner together last night. It was my suggestion and he readily agreed.
Today was D7's field day at school. I volunteered there and got to watch her have a great time. Tonight, I went to dinner and a movie with a friend. Tomorrow, I'm going to brunch with a group of friends and then have dinner plans with another friend. Lots of GAL scheduled for the weekend
