3 Months In and Feeling...More Aware

[JennD]

So last weekend H and I had a conversation that he initated about R.

He admitted he saw big changes in me - my parenting, my patience, everything. He told me that he told his IC that I seemed so "even". But he admitted he doesn't think it will stick. That it is real, but not permanent. And he asked me why I couldn;t have made these changes before BD.

He said he still doesn;t see things working.

He also admitted that things have been much better (since I;ve not been pushing and bringing up R, etc.) And that he has felt like he has been "colder" towards me as a result. (I had noticed but didn;t agree with him - just let him talk). I asked for him to explain. H said that since things had been better, he felt he had to "pick up the slack" of the conflict so I wouldn't get my hopes up if we were getting along.

H apologized and we talked a bit more.

Since then, H has been kind and open and we've had a good week.

Even though H has said nothing has changed, I feel hopeful. If we can get along, he will feel better about our interactions and to me that leaves the door open. Hope is good.

I went to my IC and she was very impressed with the changes in me. I credit DB for much of those changes (and all the encouragement here) as well as the 100000 books I;ve been reading. (Brene Brown books especially). I have to admit, I'm impressed (and surprized) with my changes.

I don't know that I would ever admit this to H, but BD and this process has done me a huge favour - I am becoming aware and a better person (not that I'm done, by any means).