Train, I think you make a lot good points, esp about boundaries. The problem is, I seriously do not know what my boundaries are at this point. This separation is so confusing and murky. I know for sure I do not want H home unless he is willing to agree to the deal breakers I laid out in this thread initially. At least that much I am clear on in my mind. But beyond that I feel very confused. I often feel like I want to tell him I will not tolerate any form of infidelity including and especially continued contact with OW, even while separated. But if I state that how can I realistically monitor whether or not he's in contact with her? I had no clue while he was living with me. It seems like a silly thing to say/expect at this point and would just drive him away, whether he's in touch with her or NOT.

Why is this so confusing and difficult for me?

M: 42
H: 43
M: 8 years
S7 and D4
H has D19 and S25 from previous M
Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA
1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail
2nd separation: 5/1/14