Marching forward with deal breakers in hand

[Train]

I "third" MrBond.

mdu, I honestly don't mean to sound snarky, but I have noticed several times that you have asked for opinions and then make your move seemingly before waiting on anyone to respond. And then, after folks have spent time giving you some ideas, you say "too late."

Please know we all feel your pain in very real, tangible ways. We see your sitch from 32,000 feet up. And it really isn't too much different than the ones we have been in. We have all gone through something similar, which has landed us here.

All that being said, to say something to your H (during an embrace you're allowing to happen) like, "I can't, it's too confusing," comes across as weak and indecisive. There's another, more fitting adjective I'm looking for but can't put my finger on it right now.

More actions, fewer words. That's where you want to be.

I understand not being ready for the "little surprises" when we haven't prepared for them. But I think a better way for you to handle that, if it happens again, is to keep the hug short and sweet, pull away and - with a smile on your face and a pep in your step - go about tending to your business. Remember: you're a busy woman who isn't sitting around, confused and pining for your H.

I have felt so many similarities in our personalities as I've read your posts. I remember very clearly (and you could find it in my old thread) when I asked whether I should be "softer" because I was sure H thought I was too controlling and "dominant" during our relationship.

I was advised to continue acting confident and assured. To keep laying down boundaries as needed but to keep H's way home paved nice and smooth. Be the woman he fell in love with.

I am glad I listened to that advice. H has said - in maybe not so many words - that my confidence, conviction and decisiveness attracted him back home.

I think there's a good chance you will be reconciling with your H, but you have to play your cards right. And I know you have it in you to do it.