I had an affair... and I want my Fiancee back

[DBinSF]

I gave up with the Ex this time two years ago. It was a year after we broke up. I met my current Fiancee July 7 that summer. We fell for each other quickly, but didn't have a great sexual energy at first. She responded well to me (very lubricated and lots of orgasms), but I had a hard time (no pun intended). It left me wanting, and I strayed with a married woman who was in an open relationship. I told myself it was "safe." We met every 4-6 weeks for much of my relationship, even though I was falling deeply in love with my girlfriend. It finally became too much (although it should have been from the beginning, I know), and I called it off.

It seems like you are doubtful of my sincerity or ability to commit. That's fair. I'm in therapy 2x a week to figure all this out. But in the mean time, I'm in a TON of pain at the idea that I have completely ruined the chances of being with my Fiancee. She is SO HURT and was SO DISGUSTED when she got the letter. I don't blame her. But I still want to know what my next move is. If any move at all.

When I picked up the last of my stuff from her apartment a week ago, she said she didn't want to be friends and didn't want to see me again, although we have common friends (we'll be at the same b-day party next Saturday). I know she's said a lot of hateful things in anger -- she's a very classy woman and is normally VERY easy to navigate conflict with.