I must be nuts to still have hope

[Starsky309]

She did tell me that she was unhappy a few days before the "My feelings have changed" bomb drop.

. . . having long since been involved with OM, no?

[RedHawk98]

Things with the OM began to develop through Feb 2013.
In January she still cared and loved me, asking for me to "step up". There was also a big misunderstanding the following day, regarding an offer my father in law made. A new job and somewhere to stay in rhe US where my wife is from.
My wife expected me to reply to that offer immediately. As I had returned from the hospital visiting my grandfather in his last few days, I just wanted to go to sleep.

This misunderstanding caused her to voice her concerns in our future to her boss. Who manipulated that.
I saw the IM's between them.

Afer the bomb drop, I said that I wanted to accept my father in laws offer.
"Now you f!@#ing tell me!" She screamed. (The only tine she ever screamed at me)

[MrBond]

Something doesn't seem right. It really does seem like you're minimizing your issues. Obviously things were eating away at her (before the A). When you were withdrawn, did you pull away from her much? Is that how you normally dealt with conflict with her?

Be honest. I have a feeling there's something you're not telling us. And just to be clear, I'm not saying that it gives her a reason to have an A. It will, however, help us to direct you the way you need.

[RedHawk98]

No I appreciate it.
We did have some lack of privacy due to buying into a shared house. It was a great offer that turned sour.
I did become withdrawn as I saw my wife was already tired from work and always stressed, so I didn't confide in her as much as I should have for a few months. I just didn't want to add pressure on her.

A lot of our problems are really down to a temporary communications issues.
None of her previous issues with myself or our marriage have existed for a long time now.

I have a new career, doubled my income, I have honestly never looked as good as I do now and I am so much more open and cheerful than the man she left.

[RedHawk98]

I also believe that a big obstacle is how honest she has been with her family and friends.
Some have been outright hostile with me, some have completely ignored my gracious goodbyes and others have stayed in touch and remained friendly.

I was extremely close with her mother. Who has been in my wife's shoes twice. She was extremely helpful, and is so far the only one to not have the OM on her FB friends list (lol).

[MrBond]

"I did become withdrawn as I saw my wife was already tired from work and always stressed, so I didn't confide in her as much as I should have for a few months. I just didn't want to add pressure on her."

Be honest. Is this the truth or did you withdraw because you just didn't feel like talking?

"A lot of our problems are really down to a temporary communications issues. "

"Communication" is extremely broad. What are some specifics.

"None of her previous issues with myself or our marriage have existed for a long time now."

Like what? You still haven't detailed anything. We can't help until you start detailing what these things are.

"I have a new career, doubled my income, I have honestly never looked as good as I do now and I am so much more open and cheerful than the man she left."

How long ago was all these changes put in?

It would also help if you told us how long you've been married, how long you dated, if you have kids, etc. Your stats will also help.

[sandi2]

What are the ages of you & W, and how long have you been M? Has she moved back to the USA?

I'm not sure I understand the shared housing. Were you and another family living together?

Do you have children?

[figgeroni]

why did you take the job after she dropped the bomb?

[RedHawk98]

Apologies, I didn't intend to be vague, just trying to cut a long story short.

I honestly did not want to burden my wife with anymore negativity. Stress will make you thin the wrong things most of the time.I have explained this to her.
Communication was really dumb pride from myself. I couldn't tell her the grief I was going through with my grandfather's condition. The man was my childhood hero.
I also couldn't tell her the financial stress I was under as my job was so poorly paid it was difficult to recover from one 'rough month'.

The only issues she expressed to me were
*To find a better job
*To pull myself out of the red financially (only by a month's wages)
*To make more of an effort in my appearance (which had slipped I admit. Baggy jeans and hoodies had become more of a practical thing with the job I was doing.
* To restore the natural confidence in myself that I had when we met.

The physical changes in myself were made in weeks.
Unfortunately, changing my job took longer than I wanted due to my previous job's "no references" policy.
That cost me many promising positions.

We have been together 7 years, married for 5, separated for a year.

My wife was, despite whatever our situation was, fiercely proud of both of us. Until 2 months into her new boss starting work at her place.

[RedHawk98]

I am 37, she is 32.
We have been married for 5 years. The first 4 very happily, no matter what our situation was.

The shared housing was a family deal that went sour. We bought the house from my parents, with my beother as a silent partner.
Before the ink was dry, my brother, his girlfriend and his dog moved in.
Our privacy was destroyed. They even insisted on the bedroom next to ours.
The house was a massive pressure on both of us. As it drained us of any cash we had.
There are no children. We planned to have them as soon as the two years that we agreed on with the house purchase was up, and we could sell as profit.

My parents dropped one 1/5 of the house's value so that both sons and our partners could have a good start in life from the profit.
The profit was less than expected and all we have done is clear debts that arose from separation.
Not a good situation at all.