KGirl - Movin' On and Out!

[KGirl]

Sorry, creepy.

HAH! labug, that was to the point

I think my current mindset makes it seem more flattering than it probably should be. It feels nice to know someone is interested in me. But yes, there are certainly things about it that are a little scary. I don't THINK I need to worry about it in terms of my safety since the letter says the person has left the state, but I'll be extra vigilant to/from work from now on. In a week I'll be riding a different bus, anyway.

Speaking of, I get my keys to my new place on Sunday. Lots of mixed emotions about that. One of my neighbors is also a work colleague, and is the person who actually suggested we look at this house - I saw him outside yesterday and told him I was moving next weekend. He was shocked, to say the least - said he never saw that coming. Also asked "what is up with young men these days?!" (one of our other colleagues is in the process of D after her H cheated on her repeatedly, accrued tons of debt spent on his OW, and then said it would be "too much work" to try and work things out). Good question, wish I knew! I still can't tell people without tearing up but maybe the more practice I have, the easier it will get. I still con't to hope this is only temporary and that I will be coming back "home" one day but...I know I can't rely on that hope and need to move forward confidently with a life that isn't built around an identity of me and my H, but just me.

There's been an article going around on FB called "My wife isn't the same woman I married" (search Matt Walsh). The title makes it seem like it'll be negative, but instead it's all about how it's natural for people to change over time, and that splitting up because someone has "changed" is a cr*ppy reason to do so. Love is a choice and people are constantly changing - you choose to adjust to those changes and appreciate them. At first it made me kind sad, like "ugh, I failed at this." But... I am not the one who chose to walk away from this. No matter how committed I am to my M and my H, I cannot make someone else feel the same way.

I also read a book yesterday on rebuilding trust in a relationship, whether it's a large betrayal or a number of ongoing, smaller ones. It definitely helped me understand how my reactions to past hurts didn't help the situation (and probably made things worse), and things to look for in the future to see if we really could overcome this and rebuild trust again. Lots of things to think about. Wish my H wanted to work on them, too, and maybe there'll be a point that he will be, but until then I'll keep working on figuring out how I contributed to getting to this point and what I can change going forward.