I have had a thread over on Newcomers for at least 6 months but have updated very rarely for last few months as nothing has changed. Last week I read a thread over here with 30 signs of MLC. After seeing my h is 29/30 I breathed a sigh of relief and said "This is where I belong".
It has been 9 months since BD. 6 months since h stopped saying he wanted to work on M. In some ways I am 5 hank full as it forced me to take a long hard look at myself. I barely recognize that person anymore. I was an obsessive compulsive anxious hyper critical control freak. Now with the help of therapy, medication and meditation, lots of positive reading and good friends I am not.
My h still lives in the house. In the beginning it was torture. Now we just keep to ourselves. I take care of his dog and clean up after his kitchen messes. It benefits me for him to stay in the house. I get to have my s under the same roof as me every night. Also h is drinking regularly. I know when I have to produce my journals and photos documenting this it will be the end of any chance of an amicable relationship.
H is still going strong with OW although he still denies the relationship. She told me I broke him and she is fixing him. This works out great for him as it takes responsibility for past and future off his hands.
So here are the two challenges I am having now.
1. Boundaries. There are none. We still share finances. He eats the groceries I buy. He comes and goes and does what he pleases and I don't ask anything. Some days he is civil and some days he treats me like the source of all evil. I tried to set a boundary of talk to me with respect. He laughed and said I didn't deserve respect. I admit in the past we flung some horrible cr@p at each other. I feel horrible for things I have said and am trying better. I also have more self respect now. I have also asked him not to talk to me when he is drinking but he will deny drinking while holding a bottle.
The other boundary is to not take s around OW. I don't know if there is any way to enforce that.
2. S has behavior issues that haven't gotten worse. We started with a therapist for him. There is no buy in from h. He claims s does not exhibit these behavior with him so the problem is me. I feel like I am running into a brick wall because he contradicts what changes I am trying to do with s.
Any advice would be appreciated.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
