I definitely do need to dive back into the Bible. Thank you for pointing that out.
So you're saying my fear is actually a self-fulfilling prophecy, right? Because it changes my attitude/energy and creates issues within my life that perpetuate my fear. Makes sense.
You're right, it makes ZERO sense to let my fears control me. It's something deeply engrained in me that I've been trying to work through with visualization and working with my IC.
I visualize positive outcomes, and sometimes I get a sense of peace when I do this, sometimes I don't. I think it's a matter of practice at this point.
Fear, when stripped right down to the most basic level, is of the unknown that lies ahead of you.
Fear of...being alone Fear of...being divorced Fear of...failure Fear of...disapproval Fear of...Koosh balls...
I mean...fear is all in your head. It is not the type of fear that is fight or fight type of response when confronted with danger.
Fear is not knowing the exact outcome and that drives people nuts sometimes. So in order to 'see' some specific outcome of a situation we are not sure of/about, we exert control of the situation by manipulating people and/or the environment IN ORDER to reassure ourselves of the pre-conceived outcome that we want to see happening.
This evening I will be going to an al-anon meeting. These meetings are basically all about letting go of control of people/things and living your own life.
I'm subjecting myself to this process as much as I can. I'm hopeful I will start to feel some relief of all the worry.
I feel like Bill Murray in the movie "What About Bob?". Babysteps!
Good for you T! You need to hang tough..."The 3 LBS's" wouldn't work as well with just Corbean and I! LOL!
ME: 43 W:44 M 13 years on 5-5-01 T 18 years BD 4/27/14 D papers served 5/5/14 (how appropriate a date) WAW moved out 5/12/14 Papers filed 6/27/14 Divorce granted 07/17/14 Our marriage ends 11/17/14
I'm feeling a little more detached today but it comes in waves. I'll feel fine for about an hour and then something will remind me of my sitch. Then I need to fight the reminder of sitch to try and get back on track.
I'm really trying to think about fear, what it is, and how it pertains to me, and the way I live my life.
I won't lie, I still feel it. But I'm aware of it and how it snowballs on me.
Today has been touch and go. I've been having waves of anxiety wash over me. I try to just let them happen instead of fighting them. Hopefully I'll start to desensetize from them.
I wont have my daughter this weekend so I'm a little concerned about what I'll do for GAL. I might be flying solo this weekend. Maybe go see a movie and shop for some new clothes and then hit up the library. I'll also go to the gym either tonight or tomorrow morning.
Sunday I'll go to church and probably rest on Sunday afternoon. I'm still not sleeping well and need to get some decent rest.
On Wednesday, I have an appt with a MC who also specializes in addictions. I hoping I'll be able to take something from that meeting.
