Left Behind Newlywed

[Pluto]

So WAW informed me last night that she's moving out as of this weekend. That was the first time she told me, but she acted like we'd talked about it before (she used the line "50 thousand times already").

Lately she's used this same tactic to talk about her impending move - previously it was that she was planning to move in June.. then suddenly she told me she had a new place to live lined up (and acted like she told me before when I found out for the first time) - but didn't have a firm moving date, but that they were flexible. Now, she tells me that she's said June 1st all along and doesn't understand why I don't listen to her. Now, I have an exceptionally good memory (something I'm known for amongst our friends and family)... so I'm confident that I'm forgetting important facts like these.

Is this script?

We had a fairly tense talk about her move and what she was taking (or leaving), but there was also some R talk - she told me she didn't hate me and couldn't understand why I think she does. She also told me she didn't like that we were 'at each other's throats' and felt that we couldn't co-exist.

I didn't really know how to respond to that, other than I acknowledged and apologized for my role in how we got to this point, and that I wasn't trying to make things unlivable for her in our house.

I also reinforced that it was her decision to leave and that I wasn't trying to force her out - that I didn't want this.

It's going to be a tough weekend watching her pack and walk out on me...

[LongRoad06]

Ignore her and just say "ok." Mine has been telling me for a month he's moving. Says the place isn't ready until June 6, but I called and they have plenty of availability.

[labug]

Pluto, take this int he spirit it's given-STFU!

Don't argue or try to be right about whether she told you when she was moving. Say "OK, thanks for telling me."

Why this? "reinforced that it was her decision to leave and that I wasn't trying to force her out - that I didn't want this."

Slow down guy, you're trying so hard to control her. Let her go, wish her well. Give her space.

[sandi2]

It's going to be a tough weekend watching her pack and walk out on me...

Then plan to be gone, so you don't have to watch.

[Pluto]

Good advice, bug! I wish I could get a better handle on doing just that.

sandi, I don't trust her to pack up without me. Perhaps this is a control thing, perhaps I'm just paranoid and don't feel as though I can trust her.

[Thornton]

Pluto,

What if you helped her pack? That way your last interaction with her before she leaves is a positive one.

I did that with my WAW. I pretended she was a neighbor (I read that on someone else's sitch) and helped her. I carried the luggage up the stairs and loaded in her car for her.

I was DYING inside but kept cool and calm on the outside.

After she left, I broke down. I felt as if I just packed my heart into her suitcase and sent her on her way.

BUT... the last image she has of me is one of a caring person, no anger, no begging, no questioning, no pressure.

[Pluto]

Not a bad idea, Thornton.

Somehow I doubt she'll want my help.. but I suppose I could offer to help nonetheless.

[labug]

What are you so afraid she's going to take? Do have Fort Knox in the basement?

Half of it is hers and while I get that she could conceivably clean you out, how possible is it? Or are you just very suspicious? If so, why is that?

If her character makes you believe that she would take everything, maybe it's a good thing she's walking.

[Pluto]

You know , bug -- that's really smart.

I don't really know what my big concern is. Anything she takes now of any real value can/would be equalized through divorce proceedings.

It probably benefits me none (and actually hurts me) to squabble over petty stuff like this NOW.

I've also taken Thornton's advice in terms of trying to make sure her last memories of me aren't negative, and will try to do my best to not cause fights / friction while she packs her things and leaves.

Great advice, thanks everyone.

[Pluto]

Well, it looks like today's the day. She's begun packing...

Any last minute advice on what to do / not to do? Obviously, don't beg/plead/purse, and I'm going to guess I should do my best not to let her see me cry, if it comes to that.

This [censored].