Marching forward with deal breakers in hand

[mdu]

So I'm getting the sense that I really need to pull back from H not just for him but for me. It's going to be tough because we will be with each other a lot this weekend. We have S's party tonight at the house and kids games tomorrow. I plan to be positive and upbeat (as I should, it's my kids party!!!) and will certainly make myself open to chitchat with H but I am determined NOT to pursue it myself. I will post here to keep myself honest. T minus 5 hours til S's party. I need to get my head in the right place between now and then! Here are some positive thoughts to (hopefully) get me there:

*Being happy is a choice...MY choice...I shouldn't allow anyone (not even H) to change that
*Being happy for my S on the day of his party and at the kids games is the right thing to do! Again, I need to get out of my OWN way and be happy for my kids and NOT let H affect that!!
*If I really need to cry or yell or throw things to 'get it out' there is plenty of time for that after the party/the rest of the weekend while the kids aren't around. But I shouldn't let those moments turn into a mood for the rest of the weekend. I can turn my feelings around if I choose to!
*Remember to do things that will make me happy if I need to get myself out of a funk: 1). call or txt a friend or my family 2). watch a funny movie (I need some titles) 3). work on myself (anger management) 4). go for a run 5). do a project around the house
*Remember not to let my FEELINGS rule me. I can't let my feelings dictate my actions. I can change my feelings by taking POSITIVE actions. Like if I don't 'feel' like going for a run or cleaning the house I need to make myself anyway because these things will actually make me feel better afterwards.
*Do NOT turn to H for comfort. I have been coming up with excuses to reach out to him when I am feeling anxious/badly. I need to give it a rest and find other ways to soothe myself.
*I really, really need to work on being comfortable on my own. Otherwise I think fear will rule me and my interactions with H.

I need to flesh out some more details but that's a start.