[labug]

Everyone, male or female, is more attractive when they have outside interests, things they are passionate about. It puts a lot of pressure on a marriage when partners don't do things apart from one another.

SF, good for you on the therapist try to have no expectation about where it will lead. Beginner's mind.

This "W on occasion would even encourage me to do more "with the guys" but I didn't want to take time away from her and the kids. At the time I partially felt that W was saying this to alleviate some guilt she was feeling in wanting to do things with her girlfriends but maybe there was something more to it." You're an interesting guy, SF. Guilt is a controlling influence in the lives of most women. You saw the Brene Brown video, shame and guilt are huge. I'm sure it is with some men, too. I think I mentioned the book The Dance of Anger to you, did you ever get a chance to look at it?

My H and I had similar discussions because our R roles were similar, I liked to go out and have a good time on occasion, he could sit home pretty much forever it seemed. I had friends and interests outside the marriage, him-not so much. It was a source of stress for a long time. My H and my marriage, were pretty boring.

Things have changed now, being out of the M for 3 years, he developed some other interests, like learning to play guitar! We ride bikes together and he's turned into a pretty awesome bike mechanic. He's also more apt to say, "Hey, lets do something fun this weekend" or "lets go to this new place for dinner." Things he never did before and what a difference it makes.

This is an interesting discussion.