I had a very simple piece of advice I was given when I was going thru my sitch, mdu, and I've dispensed it out to others dozens of times since. Maybe it will help you:
In every situation, do what God Himself would have you do if He were standing right in front of you. Learn to stop operating from the (co-dependent, enmeshed) attitude of "If I do 'X', what will my spouse think? How will his/her anger make ME feel?" and instead learn to operate from this "What is The Right Thing To Do" mindset.
Very simple, but also very powerful -- and even liberating, for natural "pleaser" types like me!
