Marching forward with deal breakers in hand

[mdu]

Ugh, ugh, ugh! So I called H to tell him that S was invited to this nerf battle and will surely be very disappointed if he hears about it. H appreciated my calling and telling him and offered that if S hears about it and really wants to go he would take him. However, he was very clear that he does not want S to mistakenly think he will be coming over to the house all the time. So clearly he is no where near wanting to seriously reconcile. H then asked me how I am doing and I broke down, between this and my Dad it's just all too much. I said "how do you think I'm doing? my H and I are separated, we just put my Dad in a home, I feel awful about what we are putting the kids through." I asked him how he feels and he said "well, I don't feel very good either." Although I have to say he really doesn't sound particularly upset whatsoever. There was a lot of dead silence. Finally I said "well, I guess I'll talk to you later".

Ugh, I seriously don't know how I'm going to survive this weekend. I am in such a bad place, it's all too much right now.