I think I'll hold off on that for the moment figgeroni! I am happy to be friendly but not sure if I want to go further without a firmer commitment from him. And at some point HE has to initiate things, kwim?
Today is a tough day. My Mom is putting my Dad in a home. I am not going along with, although my sister is (we're trying not to make a big production of it). I will visit him in a week or two once he's settled in. But of course it's constantly on my mind and will be quite emotional when I speak to my Mom a bit later.
H knows this is all going on and sent me a txt early this morning regarding some logistics for S's b-day party tomorrow and also said "If there's anything I can do for you today please don't hesitate to ask". I didn't reply to that part, not really sure what to say. I'm sure he feels badly about it but I don't want to get caught up in that and confuse it with hope that he's wanting to completely recommit to the M.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Maybe just enjoy having light moments with your H for now? That in itself is a kind of comfort. I don't know about you but one of my greatest motivations for detaching is the fear that we will end up hating each other. That would be awful.
Hugs to you, and I'm grateful to have found this community.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
H has txted multiple times trying to check in knowing I am probably upset about my Dad today. I did reply to one and just said I was sad. I feel like I'm walking a fine line here, given how tremendously he has hurt me I don't exactly feel like he's the one I should lean on for emotional support. However, this was a bit of a problem in our M. When I was really stressed out and upset I would tend to deal with it by getting angry and pulling away. He always wanted to comfort me but I felt like I couldn't just let go so I'd push him away. This is definitely a 180 opportunity but not sure I'm up for it.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
"He always wanted to comfort me but I felt like I couldn't just let go so I'd push him away. This is definitely a 180 opportunity but not sure I'm up for it."
If you said that you've changed, then show it.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
So I ended up calling H last night and talking to him about the sitch with my Dad, I cried a lot. H was kind but honestly, I think it might have been a mistake to call him (even though he kept txting and checking in). I can't quite put my finger on it but he wasn't quite as warm and compassionate as I might have hoped. It may have been a neutral move, hopefully it wasn't a negative.
Having a hard time today in general. Will have to deal with H a lot this weekend. Tonight we have S's b-day party at the house. Tomorrow the kids each have t-ball/baseball games. I'm trying to get myself into a positive mindset but it's proving challenging. I'm going for a walk at lunch with a friend so hopefully that will help. I'll read some positive threads here, I often find inspiration in the 'wise DBers' threads. Additionally, S got invited to a neighbors house for a giant nerf gun battle. Unfortunately he won't be able to go because he's going with H. He will be SO disappointed, it just sux.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
I don't think there's anything wrong with occasionally showing one's emotions to a wayward spouse. I think the danger comes when either:
a) the betrayed spouse then makes major DECISIONS based on their emotions; or
b) the betrayed spouse looks to their betrayer -- the wayward spouse -- to SOOTHE them.
Starsky
I know you're hurting right now, mdu, b/c of your dad (and I'm very sorry about that). But you would be wise to keep the above advice I had given you in mind.
Ugh, ugh, ugh! So I called H to tell him that S was invited to this nerf battle and will surely be very disappointed if he hears about it. H appreciated my calling and telling him and offered that if S hears about it and really wants to go he would take him. However, he was very clear that he does not want S to mistakenly think he will be coming over to the house all the time. So clearly he is no where near wanting to seriously reconcile. H then asked me how I am doing and I broke down, between this and my Dad it's just all too much. I said "how do you think I'm doing? my H and I are separated, we just put my Dad in a home, I feel awful about what we are putting the kids through." I asked him how he feels and he said "well, I don't feel very good either." Although I have to say he really doesn't sound particularly upset whatsoever. There was a lot of dead silence. Finally I said "well, I guess I'll talk to you later".
Ugh, I seriously don't know how I'm going to survive this weekend. I am in such a bad place, it's all too much right now.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Too late Starsky, I f-ed up again! I know I need to get a grip esp before I see H tonite for S's party!
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
