[SemperFi00]

I get every bit of at. I also remember needing reminded that I cannot have expectations of W doing something for herself. It is hard because it's easy to see what will help from the outside and I often have wondered why my W won't deal with her issues. For me, I learned pushing doesn't help, and it seems you've figured that out too. That does leaves in a spot of questioning where we want to be - continue in a 1- sided marriage or face a D? Personally, I don't like either option.

Agreed - took me a while but I learned that pushing (initially I viewed it as suggestions on how to make things better - i.e. solve the problem for her) in these particular scenarios does nothing but further entrench the WAS perspective and desire to leave.

Still wonder on occasion why W won't deal with her issues - but that happens less and less these days. And I suppose on some level the same could be said for me, why can't I just deal with the fact she won't/can't deal with her issues right now.......

Both choices (remain in 1-sided R or choose D) su$k!

Regardless of the choice, it's an ongoing effort to find personal peace and let go of the frustrations...which this board helps with a lot. Do you have any friends that you do stuff with or know your sitch? The boards are great but so is having a buddy to go do something with.

The peace and letting go of frustration comes easier these days and in some cases is replace with a profound sense of sadness of how much better things could (and eventually will) be.

I do have friends that I do things with occasionally but to be honest what I enjoying most is spending time with my kids and prior to this scenario w/W. Most of the things that I did were either family or couple oriented - and I was really ok with that during that point of my life. I enjoyed it and it seemed like what I wanted to be doing and who I wanted to be.

W on occasion would even encourage me to do more "with the guys" but I didn't want to take time away from her and the kids. At the time I partially felt that W was saying this to alleviate some guilt she was feeling in wanting to do things with her girlfriends but maybe there was something more to it.

I suppose this is all normal given the scenarios we find ourselves in but man, why does it have to be so difficult!