I re-read this thread a couple times, just to make sure what I was seeing and reading. I gave it overnight and read it again...
It could probably get misconstrued that you are being convinced to do something now...
Thank you for taking the time to do that Mach, and very astute observation on your part. That is exactly how it felt to me: Like I was being pushed to "do something now", which the more I thought about it, seemed foolish. We all know these situations take time to turn around.
One of W's comments at BD was that she felt she was "Driving the boat", or basically, leading in the M. Mr Bonds response to this:
"Yes she's been running the M, but most importantly she wanted you to take charge. Of the household, of the bedroom all of it."
This is what I've been attempting to do. Step up my game.
I think oftentimes, us left behind spouses are too fearful. Walking around on eggshells, afraid we may do or say the wrong thing. That is no way to live life. That is another way of losing oneself.
Confidence is attractive. Being afraid to say or do things, or initiate touch, is not.
Back when I was first advised to initiate touch, I was met by W with pull backs and requests not to do it. So I shelved it. Her recent responses, while not as spectacular as I'd like them to be, have shown much improvement. Yay! Even so, I think you (and others) have made some good points for pulling back a bit. I will do that, along with observing her reaction with these new perspectives in mind.
Physical contact between spouses has to be natural, not forced.
Thank you everyone for your thoughts.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
