Hi I'm new, I hope I won't be a burden on you guys

[Barrybran]

She's confused too. Believe nothing she says and half of what you see. Focus on yourself: getting a life, positive mental attitude, finding and addressing your flaws, etc.

[1Wish]

Believe the divorce part or the future talks part?

Also first when she wanted to end things it was a case of me begging and what not the wrong stuff. That made her closed off and treated me like a doormat and was horrible to me.

after that I stopped and she was normal towards me and as days and weeks go by shes more affectionate in terms of holding me and kissing me however I knew what to do until this point.. but what do I do now?

Its like a game and im reaching the next levels and before she had a closed mind where it was 100% over but now shes doesnt know.

What do I do now that she doesnt know whats going to happen, and is loving towards me again?

[HopefulStill]

1Wish,

First of all, I'm glad that you took up for your wife and didn't let her berate your W- your W should ALWAYS come first.

You are both young and (like so many of us) ignorant of what makes a great marriage. Like many guys do, the second you got married you stopped making an afford for her and took her for granted. Additionally, you moved her in with your family who treated her awfully. That showed her that you didn't care about her, and that you wouldn't protect her. OUCH!!!

My advice would be to man the heck up. Show this woman that you are a man that will protect her (not only from your family, but also financially) and that you love her so much that you will never take her for granted again. She probably has some very deep rooted abandonment issues that have been triggered, and you must do everything possible not to trigger those again. I would make evey effort to fight for this woman if she is indeed who you want in your life.

Only a year ago she chose to spend her life with you. Prove to her that it wasn't a mistake- you ARE the man she thought she'd married.

-HS

[1Wish]

Ah trust me im trying everything.. some days its future talks and some days its ending talks.. its killing me maaayn
..

Ah I seriously wish I knew what to do.. I read somewhere I need to get my self up to a point where I care less about rhe relationship than she does.. apparantly the one who cares less controls the R

This is becoming very difficult.. she said today that I need to plan for myself because she doesnt know whats going to happen
. A min later she says its just a matter of time we go our own ways. Why do you keep asking me this like im going to change my mi d!?

She also said that if she stays itll be for my sake, but she also got to think about herself and So she dont know but chances are that we are going to go our own ways because its simple.

I asked her if I should move out because my job put me on hold yesterday (luckily they called me back today) and she said she dont know its up to me but ive moved I now.. its counter intuitive from the way she talks.. its like yh its up to you.. but dont go because your here now.

So I said well its going to make it hard for you since we ending n I lost my job as you would have to pay my half of rent.

She says I can deal with it.. look just decide what you want to do because every other day your saying this or asking if it going to work.. I dont know and cant be asked to deal with this BS.

other things along the line was said so I turnt around and said obviously you want me to go.. she said I didnt say that man!!!!

I dont get this woman.. I feel like cock slapping her because shes messing with my head so much.. but I love her so mucb and want it to work.. oh and 2 hrs ago she found out her nan passed away.. even though she has no contact with her mum or dad.. a friends mate that knows them called and told her.. I tries holding her and being there and jus stroked her hair and whispered im here if you need me babe ill always be here.. kept stroking her hair.. tried holding her she said dnt hold me right now just leave me along.. ah im doomed arent I? Ive lost my wife completely I feel to jus give up man up n jus pack my [censored] n [censored] offf and never ever look back.. do a nc for a month and get it done with.. then focus on myself and get my business started and make money and just live in strip clubs.. oh that reminds me.. she used to trust me so much she let me work as a bartender in a strip club when I was 19.. and now she says she can never trust me again.. not because I cheated or anything but because I neglected her. Goddammit woman screw your damn head on because one minute your talking plans for us in the future next your telling me I need to plan for myself.. you want to end it so why are you still kissing me? Laughing with me? Slapping my ass and what not.. this is mentaly destroying me.. I hate my predicament..

sorry I know I went off in one my emotions are very high at the moment and cant vent this to her otherwise itll mess up my game. Sorry

[MrBond]

Did you ever READ DB or DR?

"I dont get this woman.. I feel like cock slapping her because shes messing with my head so much"

First of all, she is not "messing" with your head. She has been up front with you and told you she was confused. She's trying different things to see what she ultimately feels. If you can't handle that, then all your claims of "changing" were total BS.

[1Wish]

Did you ever READ DB or DR?

"I dont get this woman.. I feel like cock slapping her because shes messing with my head so much"

First of all, she is not "messing" with your head. She has been up front with you and told you she was confused. She's trying different things to see what she ultimately feels. If you can't handle that, then all your claims of "changing" were total BS.

Ive ordered it but it arrives 5th june and is this a good thing or bad thing?

[MrBond]

If you really want to succeed, you need to read the books. Saying that you want to "cock slap" her is not going to help.

[1Wish]

Can I make these changes whilst still living with her? And she says that she might even stay with me for my sake.. what are the chances that happening? Because that buys me more time to make her loving again..

[1Wish]

Ok so my books have just been dispatched and in the mean time I been reading Love must be tough.

it says that you should form a crisis and act as if the marital door is closing on your side as that sometimes pulls the partner back.. but my wife told me that she dont love me anymore she doesnt feel im her husband but a friend instead.
she says she'll stay for my sake but has to think about herself aswell.

I asked if she thinks she can be happy with me and she said yes however she believes she deserves better happiness and wants to be by herself.

I dont know what to do should I form a crisis in this situation and act as if the marital door is closing by moving out or shall I wait it out dor another 2 months when shes going to give me a decision?

the book says a blowout at early stages are better than a slow leak.

please shed some guidance guys.

[Barrybran]

Can I make these changes whilst still living with her?

Yes. I still live with my wife six months on. No signs of reconciliation. I've made changes for myself, they've been noticed by my wife and most importantly, I feel better about myself.

And she says that she might even stay with me for my sake.. what are the chances that happening? Because that buys me more time to make her loving again..

Believe nothing she says. You'll hear a lot of to-ing and fro-ing. Actions speak louder than words. She's not going anywhere? Great, focus on you. She moves out? That svcks so focus on you.

I dont know what to do should I form a crisis in this situation and act as if the marital door is closing by moving out or shall I wait it out dor another 2 months when shes going to give me a decision?

My wife has put a timeline on decisions several times and has never stuck to it. Tensions have eased when I've pulled my head in. Even now, she's trying to figure things out and there are no signs of movement in any direction on her end. Ignore the timeline and use the time wisely to make positive changes in your own life.

DB and DR will clarify a lot of things you will have read here. Until then, stick to the 37 rules. Refer to them daily if you have to until they stick in your mind. It's hard. Very hard. It gets easier with practice.