Ah trust me im trying everything.. some days its future talks and some days its ending talks.. its killing me maaayn ..
Ah I seriously wish I knew what to do.. I read somewhere I need to get my self up to a point where I care less about rhe relationship than she does.. apparantly the one who cares less controls the R
This is becoming very difficult.. she said today that I need to plan for myself because she doesnt know whats going to happen . A min later she says its just a matter of time we go our own ways. Why do you keep asking me this like im going to change my mi d!?
She also said that if she stays itll be for my sake, but she also got to think about herself and So she dont know but chances are that we are going to go our own ways because its simple.
I asked her if I should move out because my job put me on hold yesterday (luckily they called me back today) and she said she dont know its up to me but ive moved I now.. its counter intuitive from the way she talks.. its like yh its up to you.. but dont go because your here now.
So I said well its going to make it hard for you since we ending n I lost my job as you would have to pay my half of rent.
She says I can deal with it.. look just decide what you want to do because every other day your saying this or asking if it going to work.. I dont know and cant be asked to deal with this BS.
other things along the line was said so I turnt around and said obviously you want me to go.. she said I didnt say that man!!!!
I dont get this woman.. I feel like cock slapping her because shes messing with my head so much.. but I love her so mucb and want it to work.. oh and 2 hrs ago she found out her nan passed away.. even though she has no contact with her mum or dad.. a friends mate that knows them called and told her.. I tries holding her and being there and jus stroked her hair and whispered im here if you need me babe ill always be here.. kept stroking her hair.. tried holding her she said dnt hold me right now just leave me along.. ah im doomed arent I? Ive lost my wife completely I feel to jus give up man up n jus pack my [censored] n [censored] offf and never ever look back.. do a nc for a month and get it done with.. then focus on myself and get my business started and make money and just live in strip clubs.. oh that reminds me.. she used to trust me so much she let me work as a bartender in a strip club when I was 19.. and now she says she can never trust me again.. not because I cheated or anything but because I neglected her. Goddammit woman screw your damn head on because one minute your talking plans for us in the future next your telling me I need to plan for myself.. you want to end it so why are you still kissing me? Laughing with me? Slapping my ass and what not.. this is mentaly destroying me.. I hate my predicament..
sorry I know I went off in one my emotions are very high at the moment and cant vent this to her otherwise itll mess up my game. Sorry
