own buz 30: My self-value, dropping the rope.

[sandi2]

Today, I am still trying to understand how going would have helped me/circumstance.

That was never the point. Starsky was saying you could go.....as long as you didn't try to make it more than two business partners meeting up with some associates. But you couldn't, so stop worrying about it. Personally, I think you made the right choice. You were honest enough to recognize you would have been going just to spend time with him. You couldn't go as a business partner b/c you are too involved in the R that exist in your head. You aren't able to take the R hat off long enough to wear the business partner's hat. And face it, you can't trust your mouth....and you would have been analyzing his every move (and lack of words) to mean what you want them to mean. If you had gone, there's no telling how far back you would have been today. So yes. I think you made the right choice.

However, yesterdays struggle was about how to make a decision based on the position of dropping the rope.

Then why all the hashing out about whether it was a real date or not? And you are already wondering how to respond to him. These type of things are what make you appear to be playing mind games. And if you'd be 100% honest, you would agree......b/c it is how you operate with xbf.

I want to be giving him his time, but not waiting anymore. I wanted to know what response to give based on that. I want to do the things that reflect I am dropping the rope!

I don't think that's possible. You'll have to pick one from those three things.

In order to drop the rope you have to be emotionally detached to a point. Do you believe you are? And before you answer, review what detaching really is.

You can reflect dropping the rope......or that you are giving him his time to make up his mind (and we both know he won't do a thing like you've wanted him to do.). However, you can't do both of these together. Make sense? B/c if you reflect dropping the rope, your actions will pretty much tell him that he's out of time! No waiting around, pleading and trying to persuade him. You have moved forward. If you really want to remove all R pressure, then drop it.

I can accept my decision to stay home, if it reflects the action of dropping the rope.... is it?

I believe it can be a start in reflecting it. But Magic, your temptation will be in wanting to explain to him why you did not go. If......and I mean IF he asks straight out why you didn't go (and not your "translation of him trying to ask) you tell him you did not see anything profitable in going. Or say you weren't interested, but I mean, you did take up until time to leave before giving him an answer yesterday......(but I read the post, so need to clarify with me.). The hard part for you will be simply letting it alone. Don't try to watch to see his reaction, his mood, if he offers coffee...........nothing. Have no expectations b/c there is nothing to expect. I guarantee you that it was no big deal to him, and he certainly didn't fret about it when you didn't go.

I want my actions to show that I love you but I am letting go.... I am not a toy that you can pick up and play with when you want. If you change your mind, I will listen to you then. I am not waiting.

Well again, you can't do all of these things by "dropping the rope" . You can 't tell a WAS how you love him and if he'll change his mind you will listen. All of that is PRESSURE! And none of it comes under reflecting dropping the rope as you say you want to do. The part about not waiting and not being his toy.........THAT message can be reflected in dropping the rope. He won't get it immediately b/c he has always been able to outwait you before you caved again. So it will take time, but if you are serious, it won't matter.