I wanted to respond to your post separately so the focus is squarely on it. Off we go! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I hate that my W is still saying that we can do this the cheap, easy way and doesn't want to understand that as soon as she had her dad pay for a L, that went out the window.
That is W's belief system at the moment. Things will definitely change when the reality starts to hit her when she hears that you have a L representing you. She can think whatever she thinks about the process. It is typical thinking for a MLCer.
She wants to think I'm trying to drag it out or stop her from getting what she wants or worse, that I just want to hurt her for leaving. Believe me, none of that is true.
Will Robinson! You're mindreading here. No use in that, right?
For her part, she is fully into blaming me for every bad feeling she ever had over the last 25 years and still refuses to accept any part in our marriage troubles. She just doesn't feel the same, can't help that, it's either there or it's not.
What's new about that ^^? It is par for the course with the MLCer. Accept this and move on. You've been writing the same thing in nearly all of your posts. We KNOW this and get this. You're talking to the choir here, buddy.
I need to find another job either part time or leave my start up and get something full time. I hate to do that but I really have no choice.
Don't hold on to a job out of obligation. You need to look out for yourself and your daughters. Do what is the best for you and the family.
On the positive side I am really seeing things as they are and not allowing myself to have hope that things will get better. I realize now that what my W says she is wanting to do, even about important things like how we handle the D, is subject to change on a daily (hourly) basis and I have to prepare for the worst.
Yep. The MLCer will say one thing and do something else in the opposite direction. The sooner you accept this new "normal", then the better your emotions will be.
I also do understand that she is under a lot of stress with her father's sitch, her grandmother's going into the nursing home and her mothers not handling it well, along with our own sitch. She never handled stress well in the past and I don't think it's gotten any better now. I need to keep that in mind and just leave her be and let her handle things how she feels best.
Have you thought about asking W if she needed any support or assistance with this? Simply offer and leave it be. It will be up to W to decide whether to take you up on this. That is a lot for one person to handle alone under any normal circumstances.
I'm finally going to go out and get some GAL time in tonight. Going to a Karaoke bar with a meet up group that I've gone out with once before. They all were really nice people and I like meeting new people. I'm an awful singer but I'm sure that doesn't matter!
Good for you! I suck at Karaoke!
I'm a bit worried about my youngest as she has been very angry at both me and my W lately but she's 14 and that is kinda normal anyway.
Have you made any attempt to open the lines of communication with D14? By actions and words, you convey to her that you care about her and are concerned about her emotions. When I was 11, my parents were going through a D, my father arranged for me to speak with the school counselor and that helped me.
Next up is me having to sign a wavier so the papers don't need to be served. Not sure how that works but my W asked me if I would be willing and I said yes but so far she hasn't given me anything to sign.
Be careful there. As evidenced by FIL and W's actions, I wouldn't be too trusting when it comes to D-related matters. Be on the alert and you'd want to make sure that your L handles all matters related to D.
