Hi TL, Wanted to say thank you so very much for your well thought out post to me. You are such an inspiration to me and appreciate your thoughtfulness. I have a feeling that we're both going to find many people out there like the man who had you over for dinner. I'm 52, you a little younger but I have found that most of the non married folks out there in our age group have a reason they are alone. My W's best friend is a twice divorced woman who is in a relationship with a nice man who is always wanting more than she wants to give. Of course she complains about him all the time but keeps him around (she says) for the sex! I think the real reason is something is better than being alone and she is settling for what she can find. She still blames her ex's for how her life has turned out, never bothering to see how she may have contributed to her R problems. Do our ex's really think that there is someone else out there better for them? That they will soon meet the perfect person who they don't have to try to make things work with like a disney movie?
Of course my W says she's worried that she will turn into an "old cat lady" but that prospect is better than having to live with me the rest of her life. (Ouch!)To me, the fact that we have been given this chance to really look at ourselves and what part we played in our marriage problems instead of just hiding and blaming like our MLC S's, that when we're truly ready, we will have much more to offer someone of quality and won't replay our old R with someone new. Until our S's finally stop running and also take a real look at what went wrong, their part in the break down of such long M's, until they stop rewriting history to jibe with how they "feel" now and see the truth that things weren't always bad, they weren't perfect and us the bad guys, they will never find real true happiness and mature love.
I know I wasn't perfect. I know that I should have done things differently at times but I also know that I tried. I gave it my all and then some. It's a shame that the MLC S's can't see that once the LBS goes through the process of really looking inward and seeing what they need to change, they would probably be a much better partner and if they could do the same, have the marriage they have always wanted.
