Thanks for the feedback. It's a tricky fine line for sure. I want to make it clear I understand no good comes from anger, or ill will. Nothing productive would arise from that, and I recognize that from my behaviour early in my stich.
In our M, I constantly pointed out the positives that she does, and the difficulties of parenting. However, it seems like my words didn't mean much to her. Often, when I look back, I was trying to rescue her or protect her from any pain. Reflecting, I could have voiced my support in several better ways. I'm proud of many of the things both of us have done with our parenting.
Truth is, parenting is hard, and it's challenging having three young children. Doesn't mean it's an excuse to walk out of a marriage though. Escaping to a different world where OM has no kids and there are no parental demands, is unfortunately her reality right now. Unfortunately, you remain a parent for your lifetime.
I can and have pointed out positive things before and in the past, but she needs to believe these things herself. I can't continually protect her and praise her. The kids struggles currently have a lot to do with her actions. She doesn't see that, or doesn't want to more likely. I'm trying to remain upbeat and a positive role model for them. I think it's important.
I have told her I am concerned for her health and that the kids need her. She has told me that she cannot separate me from the kids, and that is why she has left. None of this of course explains her affair in any way, shape, or form.
I agree Maybell, that parenting is a hard and difficult thing to do. There is a lot of judging out there. While I recognize and appreciate the pain she is in, and must be feeling due to guilt, frustration, sadness and anger, I find it very difficult, as I feel like she is not willing to work together to tackle these issues, as she continues her A.
Thanks so much for the feedback. You've made me think about my actions, which is great. Making sure I can believe and am aligned with my actions is imperative.
Anyone else have any thoughts on how to validate and recognize her parenting struggles without rescuing her or protecting her as I used to do all the time?
