She left - 4

[gogofo]

Our family Memorial Day weekend trip was great. We played around in the city, went to the aquarium, zoo, had my brother cut the kid’s and my hair, did some shopping and running around; we had a lot of fun.

This was the first trip that the kids traveled well in the car, DVD player and head phones help. They had fun everywhere we went. The wife and I were even able to have some romantic feelings while walking around at night with the kids and watching some fountains. We smiled at each other all weekend and just really enjoyed everything we did.

One of the more enjoyable things was I have a portable projector so we pulled out the couch bed in the hotel room, all laid down together, and watched Dr Who on Netflix on what would be about a 100 inch TV. It was great to lay there as a family with all of us happy and enjoying a big family cuddle.

On Monday the wife and I went to my place and did some spring cleaning. I did not want to have wife come over and help, but it was her idea. I told her how I felt about accepting help and how I thought it was embarrassing and we had an open discussion about it and ended up having a very nice day together, even if we were cleaning. She also joked and said the house better be clean if I want her to stay the night during this time in our relationship.

Tuesday the wife bought flowers to plant at her house and then decided to fill the flower pots at my house as well. She also cleaned up some more things at the house that were hers. We have been talking about our dual household situation and our options about selling our current home and moving into the house she has for a couple of years. We were going to do this three years ago but moved back into our current house after 4 months. We have different options and are now having talks about a possible future together and what that may entail. She and I have similar ideas, but now are taking the time to express them openly and listen to the other person when they talk. We did not do this before, obviously, and now are finding out how to do this. It has been successful so far and has brought out some heavy emotional sharing.

She talked about how feeling trapped at the end had her feeling like a suicidal person and she just needed to get out and established a timeline to do so. With her past experience with a good friend killing himself she has done research into suicide and looking back on it she said some of the things she did like establishing a timeline, not eating or feeling sick after eating, along with other things, were similar to suicidal people. I said that I really had no idea and her excuses during this time seemed plausible and I took her excuses as the truth.

She did allude to these feelings when we were talking but were interrupted and she stopped. I later asked her about her feelings and then finished telling me all of this later that day. I thanked her for telling me these things and being honest with her feelings. She said that she was scared to tell me because I accept blame on things that are not my fault and did not want me to feel responsible for her feelings. This time I didn’t, which shows growth, and told her that I did not feel like it was fault but I felt sad for her that she felt that way. We hugged and talked some more. We are figuring out how to communicate better which we both are enjoying.

Another good sign for us reconciling is that on Friday when we started our vacation she started wearing her wedding ring again! This was so awesome when I noticed and made me feel great. She previously told me that she was not wearing the ring because she was not “feeling” what the ring represented. I never asked her to wear it or why she did not wear it, this was something she told me herself. So she put it on by her own desire and is still wearing it, it was not just for the out of town trip.

Things seem to be progressing at a steady pace.