I don't know what is gonna happen. H is freaking out pretty badly. He called last night while D and I were at the Dollar Store and left a message he wanted to talk to D. I had her call him and they spoke for about two minutes if that. S had a class trip to a waterpark yesterday so while I left to pick him up at the school H called again! Yeesh! He left no message so I just continued on with my evening. I had S take a quick shower and after he was done he told me H called or texted him and wanted me to call him. This was at 10 at night and I was exhausted so I just texted H and told him I was too tired to talk and I would call him the next day. H texted me at 3:45 am to tell me he wanted to talk to me and asked me to come to the house.
I chaperoned D's class trip to the zoo today. Three of her little friends and her. They were so cute but so much energy! We had a great time. We got back to school a bit early and they let D go home with me. I called H to let him know I had her and was it okay if she didn't go to daycare? He said it was fine and to just bring her to the house because he was already home. That was odd to know he was home already but I packed her up and took her over to the house.
H who used to be such a gardener and pride himself on not allowing one dandelion in his lawn, has let the yard at the house turn to crap. After three summers of not being properly maintained the yard looks overgrown and trashy. I didn't say anything of course. D rang the doorbell and H asked me to come in. I hadn't been in the house for a while but there was no emotion from me. It seemed cold and empty. Hollow, if you will. OW has helped H redecorate a bit but it feels cold and almost "staged". The stuff doesnt really fit the feel of the house. But it's not my worry anymore.
H told me he didn't have enough credit on his many credit cards to be able to transfer the funds from our marital credit card to his own. He asked me if I would be flexible in allowing him time to make it happen. He went on to tell me all his troubles with money. How he can't afford anything, doesn't know how he's gonna pull it off...selling the house isn't an option, property values going down, etc. I just listened and told H to concentrate on getting the house refinanced, talk to the bank and see where he stood and then we would see what could be done. He just looks awful. He isn't sleeping and he said he has constant migrane headaches and he's going to have to start working overtime to make ends meet and he hasn't been able to work overtime because he's too exhausted from running the kids everywhere, but now he will have to work overtime and he will need my help.
I told him a few of the things I wanted from the house still and he kinda stomped his feet a bit but half-heartedly. I told him we needed to sign up the kids for summer camp and figure out what to do for S's soccer. H just ran his hands through his hair. He is a beaten, broken man.
So apparently after two years H is finally getting what he thought he wanted. I hope it makes him happy. I wonder if he is happier now than he was three years ago? Hmmmmmm....
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
WH, I agree w/Bea about the teeth pulling and admitting it.
However, here he is crying the blues to you about money troubles and asking if he could work with you about the funds and yet, you are the one that's been struggling financially for a month or so yourself. After all of this time, he now wants to work with you and the fact that he's actually talking to you about his financial situation is very different from the man he was just 6 months ago.
WH, be careful and think hard on whether or not you'll agree to allow him to be flexible w/the cards and funding, etc. You don't want to do something that'll go against the court orders, etc.
They always think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Boy, he sure found out very early in the game and you aren't even divorced yet. What a shame the situation had to come to this for him to realize money can't be stretched very far in this economy. I do hope he can get his finances in order and very soon.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
We are in the process of drafting up paperwork so nothing is a court order yet. I did tell H about how much I have been taking on with the kids financially and I've been able to make it happen, albeit by the skin of my teeth without robbing Peter to pay Paul.
H will never ever be happy. He's always chasing his tail to accomplish something. I'm wondering who he is going to borrow the money from? I know that is what is going to happen. I bet by this time OW's mom and dad are getting strapped. He claimed at our mediation he still owes his boss $500 from July of 2012. Really?
He is so full of excuses and blame but I dare say maybe it's starting to sink in that this doesn't solve problems and won't make the issues go away.
I withstood the storm and I'm still standing. I didn't think I could do it, but I did. You guys were a huge help to me so thank you. I also thank family, friends and God. I know it's not over till it's over, but I feel like calmer waters are coming.
H texted me again at 3:45 am and asked me to call him. Good Lord man! Don't you ever sleep?
Maybe he is part vampire now. It would explain the hair.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
The hair! I chuckled after reading your description. What's with the 3:45 a.m. calls? If he's having trouble sleeping, maybe he needs to be doing some actual work, i.e., like tending to the yard in the evening. The fresh air would do him good.
You might want to address the early morning wake up calls and advise him that you do need your sleep in order to function during the day. The man really does have his knickers wadded up these days. I guess he's realizing that you can fix his many problems any more because you have your own to deal with.
Poor stupid fool!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Turn off the mobile, and set his house tone ring tone to silent. If you have caller Id you can do that. Sounds like he's checking to see if you have company! Lol.
Good to see his life is so stress free he sleeps like a baby, reality sounds tough on him. Lol
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
I trimmed everything back because it was so incredibly overgrown. I am still trying to weed everything down. I have lots of lily of the valley (which the rabbits love), some tiger lilies which haven't bloomed yet, and a huge lilac bush which is my favorite!!! There is still a lot to take care of and a lot to weed out. The neighbor came over to let me know he was impressed with what I have done. He said the other renters didnt do anything with the yard. It looks like it has been overgrown for years. And the more I trim back the faster the stuff grows back. I trimmed the dead branches off the lilac bush and it grew upwards two feet I swear!!!
I don't want to put too much work and money into the yard because I don't know how long I will live here.
Went to D's bb practice tonight. It was the first time that H and I have been at one of the kids events in years where we were actually civil to each other. It's strange. I don't trust him, and I don't particularly want to be around him, but I'm not holding onto the anger. My kids come first and I am trying to reconcile our relationship somewhat for the benefit of the kids. But it is strange letting go of the anger and the frustration and just being.
I still think he's an idiot though.
WH
AT BD: WH 41, J 43; Bomb 2/5/2012 Two kids, one dog D Final 6/18/14 J marries OW 1/24/15 "No matter where you go, there you are"
But it is strange letting go of the anger and the frustration and just being.
I still think he's an idiot though.
Yup, I think we are all with you on that
However long you stay it is worth making the yard look nice - if you have the energy - it says something about how we feel about ourselves and our surroundings.
