What I think is that you're doing a good job of standing for your W and trying to revive the intimacy in the R. It is not easy at all as humans require touch and it can be difficult to go for long periods without touch.
Sexual abuse aside, I do think that W is slowly coming around as she's been responsive to your requests for head rubs, combing hair, etc. That was a significant change from the previous months.
I have friends in RL who are sexual abuse survivors and I have heard some real horror stories directly from their mouths. Many of them have gone on to be married and have children. I cannot comment on your W's situation because I don't know her story or history.
Some survivors just shut down and don't bother with IC. It is a choice each person needs to make for themselves. On top of it, you mix it with the MLC...can really complicate things in terms of IC or MC.
Perhaps you might want to talk with your W and ask her opened ended questions as a way of opening the dialogue about your M. State that you want to be sensitive to her feelings and really want to hear her perspective on where she stands in the M. Yep, it can be scary, but I think it will be liberating for the two of you as things will be put on the table for discussion.
Your W just might feel safer if you reassure her that you are interested in non-sexual intimacy such as holding hands, cuddling, etc and you're open to having W decide when she wishes to enter a more sexual phase. Just a thought to mull over.
Instead of taking big chomps at the discussion, perhaps break down in a small series of discussions. You'll just have to gauge W's willingness on this front and adjust accordingly. Look at this from the perspective as a team approach.
