[job]

Bright,
Sometimes actions speak louder than words. You removed the items from your sight at the condo and it's best that you didn't speak to him when you were upset/angry. There will come a time when you can address the make over w/him, but be sure you are calm when you do so. I'm sure that there will come a time when you both will be discussing the condo in the very near future and that's when you can let him know that the decorations have been removed and how you felt about coming there and seeing them on display.

From what you posted, it sounds like he's starting to move things over into his name and separate things out. This is very normal for them to do at some point. I suspect that your h is a very slow moving MLCer because most of them do this reshuffling of accounts, mail, etc. very early on in their crisis.

Bright, I'm very sorry that he's not been one that has been up front w/you or given you any indication of what he wants, but it's evident that he's been very comfortable w/his life the way it has been. He relies on you to keep things going and keep him apprised of the business. He knows you are there when he needs you and that you'll do whatever you can to help him. I don't know what he's thinking, but maybe he realizes now that you've gotten a job, your life is going to be changing, i.e., work, new friends, possibly some new activities and maybe this is why he's starting to change accounts, etc. Maybe he wants to take on some of the "burden". But the only way that you will have any idea what's going on w/the accounts is to ask. After all they affect you as well, i.e., access, balances, etc. I see no harm in asking him about the changes.

Boundary setting is something only you can decide what will or will not be a boundary. You have to be comfortable w/the boundary and can't let it slide or he will not take it seriously. MLCers love to test boundaries. One of the boundaries that I had thought about a long time ago for you is when he was having packages sent to your place and then you had to either resend them or take them to a relative's home or to the condo. But, if he's starting to change his mail and everything else, then this is something that is now off the table.

Please don't be hard on yourself. You've been doing a great job working on you, finding a job and living your life, as well as dealing w/a spouse who is MIA. There is no right or wrong way when dealing w/a MLCer.