Thanks labug, GB, and KGirl. I appreciate your responses.

So, my H did file for D today. Though this wasn't a huge surprise, I was very disappointed that he called me on the way to the courthouse to tell me he was doing it. He claims, repeatedly, that we are "best friends" and that he never wants to lose that. I asked him very recently to please keep me informed as to timing so that I wasn't blindsided and his way of doing that was to call me on the way to the courthouse. WTF is wrong with him? When I said (calmly), "I thought you were going to make sure I was aware of timing", he said, "Well, I was planning to do it Friday, but I had some free time today, so I decided to go ahead and do it." Yup, totally how my friends treat me. He knows that I'm upset and his response to that was, "I told you I was going to file." This is SOOO not one of those cases where knowing in advance that he's going to file sometime makes it easier when he actually does. He kept telling me that this is hard for him, too, and he's sad about it, too. I call BS. If he was that f*&king sad about it, he wouldn't do it.

I was actually really calm when he called this morning to tell me. After making a little small talk, he said, "I wanted to let you know that I'm going to file that petition today." I just said, "OK." He said, "I have some time today, so I'm just going to do it." I said, "OK" again. A few hours later, I called him on my way back to the office from lunch. I wanted to remind him that he was picking up D7 even though I had her tonight and that I needed him to call the cable company. He told me he would call about cable and then started the following conversation:

H: Do you have a second to talk?

Me: OK.

H: Well, do you have a minute?

Me: I'm in my car.

H: You told me before that you didn't want to have any involvement whatsoever in this divorce.

Me: That isn't what I said. I said that I would not expend any effort to file for a divorce that I did not want. (This was in response to him asking me to get my sister to file the petition.)

H: Well, then I misunderstood. So, how involved do you want to be?

Me: I'm not sure what you mean. There are certain aspects I have to be involved in.

H: I agree. So, do you want to be present for all the court appearances?

Me: Assuming that we agree on everything, there is only one court appearance to enter the decree and finalize.

H: OK, so do you want to be there for that?

Me: That appearance is to say before the judge that you agree that the marriage is insupportable and there is no possibility that it can work out. If you are asking me if I want to be there to swear that under oath, it's never going to happen.

H: Well, I need to know how involved you want to be because of some paperwork I have to fill out. There's this form about whether you are contesting or not.

Me: I can't answer that question without discussing with my sister.

H: You are being very defensive for no reason. I need to know these answers.

Me: I am not trying to be defensive, but I also am not going to answer questions when I don't know the consequences of my answers.

H: So, I just have to wait for you to do the research and get back to me on your time?

Me: If you want my answers, I guess you do.

We got off the phone and I almost immediately got a text from him:

H: You just got extremely defensive for no reason at all. Can I expect all of our conversations to be this way from here on out?

Me: I was not defensive. I am uncomfortable giving on-the-spot answers to questions with which I am unfamiliar. I would prefer these types of questions be asked outside of my normal work hours.

H: Okay. I'm not trying to manipulate you in any way. I just have to get answers to some questions. We can sit down and talk about it tomorrow night.

Me: I have plans tomorrow night.

H: Okay, Friday.

Me: I will be available to discuss Monday night after D7 is asleep, provided that you have emailed me the pertinent information prior to that in order to give me ample time to do my own research so that we can have a discussion.

H: Okay, I will do that.

H: I'll send you a copy of the paperwork.

Me: I need to understand what that question is and means as well. Is it in the paperwork?

H: It's a copy of the paperwork I will need to fill out.

Me: Have you already filed?

H: No, only sent in the petition.

Me: Doesn't that mean you have filed?

Me: What is the form called that is blank?

H: I don't know. I thought filing was the 60 day thing.

Me: No. That would be finalizing which you cannot do without my involvement.

H: Ahh.

H: I'm not very good with any of this.

At that point, I called my sister and explained to her that H clearly had NO understanding of what he was doing. She said that she wanted to talk to him to explain the process so that I didn't have to continue to deal with his lack of understanding about it. I called H and he reiterated that he didn't actually know that he was filing (though he still definitely wants a D and wanted to get the ball rolling). While talking to him on the phone, I was able to determine that he is actually trying to draft the decree himself. My sister will be doing that. I told him that she would. He said, "Oh, well I thought you said you didn't want her to do it, so I was doing it." I clarified that she would write it and he could have an attorney review. I told him that she wanted to explain the process to him so that he had a better grasp. He called and she explained it. He sent me a message later to tell me that he appreciated her help.

On my way home, he called me again and the conversation dissolved very quickly. I assume that is because both of us are highly emotional right now. He never called the cable company. He didn't have time. Though he did have time to drive 30 minutes each way to the courthouse and file for D.

So, he dropped the petition off at my house while D7 and I were gone to dinner. I did get a chuckle out of it. He got our wedding day right, but was a year off. Now he gets to file an amended petition. And yet, I'm sitting here right now, thinking, Poor H. I hate that he's struggling so much. It must be so frustrating for him to try to navigate this without any idea what he's doing.

After all this, I took D7 to get Chinese food for dinner. My fortune cookie said, "Your cheerful outlook is one of your assets." Sounds like a reminder. I guess I'm going to have to dig deep and find where it went into hiding smile In that spirit, D7 and I still had a great night. We went to dinner and for frozen yogurt. When we got home, we played Battleship (she won) and then read her devotional for the day. She's so sweet and affectionate and fun and it's really hard to be in a bad mood around her. I also made plans with a friend to see a movie on Friday night and to go to brunch on Saturday.