Left Behind Newlywed

[Pluto]

What you say above is very different from,

It's really the last card I have to play

Do you see the difference?

I get why legally you want an SA. You have good reasons. It's not a card to play.

Sure, I can understand that. I really intended that I think I'm out of solution-oriented options and I don't know that I feel comfortable with her moving out, but retaining access to the house - given that she's become so unpredictable and un-like herself, I don't think I have enough trust that she wouldn't try to screw me over by taking stuff from the house or messing with my stuff while I'm not home.

Plus, I don't want her to think I'm still Plan B and that she can just move back if/when things get too tough 'out there' for her. If she wants back in, she's got to want back in to the R and M too - which is going to require some heavy lifting and commitment from both sides.

Did/do the 2 of you have a one-up R where one does something so the other raises the stakes with the next move?

We didn't while we were still together - we actually generally got a long real well, and didn't really devolve into the one-upsmanship trap. I realized a long time ago that most of the issues we had weren't the hill I wanted to die on, and tried my best to either not make a big deal of the petty things - or recognize when I was in the wrong and apologize.

Lately, I'm not sure. It seems like the more I try to prove I'm committed to the R by working on the legit pre-BD complaints she had about my behaviour and to give her the space to work through things on her own, she finds ways to pick fights or find faults with me. For a while, things would appear to be getting better, then something would 'snap' and she'd dig in her heels and pull away further. I still haven't quite figured out what caused this -- I certainly didn't start slipping back into old (bad) habits.

Thanks for the posts, La! While I still intend to speak with a lawyer about my rights and responsibilities... I'm not necessarily pushing for a full SA if I can get some legal protection and peace of mind in other ways - such as an order of exclusive possession. I'll make sure I have all the information before making a decision.