No i didnt fail to mention or notice those things any more or less than i chose not to bring up the fact that you took advantage of your W while she was passed out and that was one of the reasons she left the marital bedroom.
Not everything needs to be rehashed to make a point.
Yes i said Jack gave up. So did he. And it did matter. To his situation it mattered.
You would have known that, as well as understand his perspective better if you had spent some time perusing the archives. There are reasons new people are told to read back. There is so much to learn from others there.
Fy, you are determined to do whatever it is you think is working. My X and i remained in the same house and did things together for 4 years post BD. It doesnt hold the meaning you are placing on it until she says it does.
Good luck.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
Heather, the opening song represents both to me. What W and I do have, and what I hope we'll have. Do I dream and fantasize a bit? Yep, and don't intend to ever stop!
Originally Posted By: Matt
Us standing H's are hard to find and everyone of us on these boards are good men who take our vows seriously and if all people took them as seriously as we do (and they should be) we wouldn't have the D rate or so many long, good marriages ending in so much pain for everyone involved. We have to remember that everyone we see here on these boards are the good ones. The ones who are trying, each in their own way too keep their vows. If only there were more of us out there!
I couldn't agree more. It's one of the main things that attracted me to this board, and kept me around so long.
Originally Posted By: Heather
Does your W want to heal the sexual stuff?
Not that I'm aware of. Based on past conversations, it wasn't even on the radar as an issue.
Mach, lots of good questions and thoughts there. It'll take me sometime to digest it all. I regret what it took to get you to show up and post to me, though.
Last edited by ForeverYoung; 05/28/1403:50 PM.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
I do not envy the position you find yourself in. I can only imagine how hard this has to be on YOU and YOUR W. Personally, I think it is always easier to call it a day when you are dealing with a spewing, cheating WAS. Then again, the decision to end a M is NEVER an easy one.
I echo what a lot of people have already posted to you – hat’s off to you for continuing to stand for your M.
I think the points that Cat, Mach and other make is a very good one, which is to understand WHY and WHAT you are really standing for.
A poster known as Bworl (I wish more people would read up on him in the archives)….once wrote something that I truly believe in.
Are you standing for FEAR or for love.
I think that is the question you need to ask yourself FY. Is it the fear of losing what YOU believe you have right now….or are you standing because you truly love your wife?
Tough question…one that I think for YOU and for YOUR W….requires time. IMO, you should take as much time as you need.
Another poster (J3B) once said to me…..”whatever you decide make sure you do it with no regrets”.
When you think of no regrets I think the tendency is to think about it from the perspective of leaving a R. However, I believe that it goes both ways. You do not want to STAY in a R that you will ultimately have regrets about. If staying in this R with your W will result in you having regrets about HOW long you stood and waited…I think you should consider this as well.
I have no doubt that at some point you will figure it all out.
I’ll leave you with the one quote from Cat that really stood out to me….
“It doesn't hold the meaning you are placing on it until she says it does.”
Think about this FY…… are you holding on to something that YOU want vs what she really wants?
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
No i didnt fail to mention or notice those things any more or less than i chose not to bring up the fact that you took advantage of your W while she was passed out and that was one of the reasons she left the marital bedroom.
I think you just did Cat.
Was that ever dealt with? For someone with sexual abuse in her history, this must have been a huge violation of trust...not that it wouldn't be otherwise.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
Just reading along here, I stop by every now and the .
Are you guys actually piecing? Has your wife recommitted to the marriage ?
Hi GM. We've avoided R talk, as Michele advises when a partner wants out. So verbally, no, she has not recommitted.
But based on actions, she seems plenty happy in the M. No longer talks about D or moving out, even plans a future together. So in that respect I have to believe she is committed to the M. I've long said I'm more likely to end this than her.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Michael Corleone: Just when I thought I was out... they pull me back in.
: P
Hi FY, Before I say anything...
Support Forums guys. Not nitpick the crap out each other.
I am honored that you took my words as a sort of mantra. There is a lot of wisdom around here. And for the record I did give up I was looking forward to a different type of life when out of the blue she wanted to work on us.
But because she seemed sincere and I put down some MASSIVE boundaries that she had to accept before I entertained the idea of working on us, I didn't give up on her, in so much that I gave her this last chance.
What was different about this 'last' chance compared to any of the others? I was giving this chance to her, for her, not because I wanted it. It was her rope to run with or hang herself with. I didn't want it it wasn't my dream come true that she apologize and wanted to come back.
I'm going to be honest I don't have the time to go through 3K worth of posts. I did read this particular thread.
When it comes to sex.
If your wife is in MLC.
You aren't having sex. : )
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
