WAW...Again, Part II

[stumps]

So, does that voice in your head sound like the ex-girlfriend's?

I understand why you're asking but, in all honesty, no. That's not the issue here...at least not on any conscious level (as an aside, I haven't talked to ex-gf since that phone call I got from her).

It's not so much thinking like "I deserve/want ______ and if I can't get it from W I should get it from someone else." It seems more like...I think what I'm dealing with is the stress and anxiety caused by the dissonance of these two separate scenarios that I have going on the front burners...the seemingly almost complete normalcy of my and W's relationship on the one hand, while quietly/privately preparing for separation and divorce on the other.

Despite my best efforts, it's really messing with my mind sometimes and when it's at it's worst it makes me feel like looking for an escape route. And I think the escape route takes the form of "let's not make the patient suffer any longer, let's just end his life quickly."

I don't want to end this marriage. Not in my heart, not in my head. But good lord the insanity of this situation sometimes feels overwhelming no matter what I do to try to ameliorate it.