Why don't you just live authentically and go ahead and be as desperate as you actually are, and act accordingly and see where it gets you. Your BF broke up with you a long time ago and has done nothing since but make occasional empty promises to "later" "consider" reconciling. What do you have to lose?
Perhaps if you stop playing games he will need to be more clear about the fact that he has no interest in giving you the relationship you want. His actions have spoken clearly but you have not accepted what they mean.
A lot of the problem with your inability to know how to BE is that there is a big disconnect between your true self, which is desperate to have him in any way shape or form, when we're being completely honest...and the self you're trying to portray in hopes that you can wheedle a real commitment out of him. Playing games, implementing tactics, acting against your real feelings, creates dissonance in you.
Every attempt people have had here to encourage you to change your feelings, to be less desperate for him, to realize how little he offers you, have hit a wall of resistance. So maybe accept that you are desperate for this guy who does not have the capacity to offer you a commitment, and go for it. See where it leads.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
