4th Down And Getting A Little Anxious

[BklynMom]

Your kids feelings and words are what I feared for my children and why I hung on.

What i have accepted for my children is that they will never have a perfect life. They will need to learn how to over come obstacles through out their life and we can show them how to thrive even in hard times.

Teaching kids how to overcome is probably the most valuable lesson we can teach them.

You are such a great and loving mom, I think you are lucky to have a good therapist on your team.

Your h is bonkers

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks everyone. Funny for all..... I was driving home today and said, "God , can you just give me a sign that good will come from all of this?" I kid you not. I looked to my right and at that moment a truck carrying a "Do Not Litter" sign (pole and all) passed me. Made me smile.

Hope everyone is having a nice Friday eve.

[BklynMom]

[Georgiabelle]

Ack !!!!! I'm venting.

H was going to get dogs tonight and said he had to work late. He said his boss gave him an xbox and games because of "all that he's been through." What?
I know. I know. I shouldn't bat an eye. Why are these new peeps buying into his pity party? They just met him 7 months ago. I know. Can't control it. Must continue to detach more. Grrrrrr.

Back to me and the kids.

[BklynMom]

Hysterical, an x box and games for a 40 yr old man with a family.

I know that it seems like everyone is buying into his pity party but that is not the case most people think he is low life loser.

I went to a industry convention type thing the other night and saw a lot of "our" old friends. The guys were closer to my ex then to me but we were all friends. 2 of the guys kept saying to me I dont know how you do it - meaning be a single mom & have a career. They said I cant imagine how hard it is for you.

It made me feel like I was being supported - without them or me trash talking my ex - I felt like they got it.

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks BK. H said today that he was living his life"full tilt boogie" I'm fairly hip, although not among the college crowd. I have to google the urban dictionary to decipher the few words he says.

I took my kids to a museum today and s4 is extremely friendly. He always goes up to dads of kids and starts talking. He said. "My dad moved out and left us." D9 was mortified and embarrassed. I told her we have nothing to be embarrassed about.

I do have a question. Like I've said before, I'm a sponge and learn to live all that I can-even about this crappy sitch. I am curious. H blocked his brother and most former friends and I know we can't explain the unexplainable. However, he's allegedly in love, so why do they avoid family and old friends. If they are so happy, it would seem they would want to share it with them? I know there is no real answer-just find that odd. I'm sure some do....,,

I felt bad for d9 being embarrassed. I know that feeling because I feel embarrassed that I married him sometimes. I'm sorry. I know that isn't nice and h is probably hurting. However, it's weird being blamed for someone not living their life and ruining them. I know it isn't true-just strange thinking that I had 3 kids with this man.

I must continue detaching. I just want to get to a really, really good place. I know it takes time. I know I'm fortunate in so many ways. Some days I just feel overwhelmed and sad. IC on Tuesday.

[BklynMom]

You are doing so so amazing. I was such a mess 6 months after bomb. I just faked it for at least a year. You are doing amazing

I too would like to know why they disconnect with friends and family.

My theory would be is that is a sign that they are in a crisis versus that they are in love. I don't mean to be dismissive about their feelings but I think they know their feelings of lust or whatever for these other people are on A very different level then their relationships with friends and family

I would love to hear others theorys

[Georgiabelle]

Had IC this am after a nice holiday weekend with my little people. C noted that I seemed different this visit- like I was happier and moving forward. After discussing stuff I've been doing (kickboxing, reading more, etc), she asked about my communication with h. I said, " I'm pleasant when I see him and communication is minimal-primarily texts." She asked what I would like to say to him and I said, "nothing." She asked again and I said, "I really have nothing to say at this time."

I'm so happy I found this site so early after BD. If you follow my sitch, I was shocked to see my h's behavior change. It was truly bizarre. After a couple of weeks, I saw a somewhat positive change in our dynamic so I thought my time was short here. I would be different:). How arrogant and wrong of me!

My h and I shared a wicked sense of humor. Somewhat dark and sarcastic. However, there has always been one big difference. I'm a glass half full person/life is good person while h is a glass half empty/life s$&ks guy. This is an honest observation and pointed out by many outsiders. I bring this up because nothing I do or say is funny to my h now. Nada. Zilch. In the past, we would laugh at funny one liners. One thing I've learned from dbing is to not react. Yes, I've had a couple of slip ups. Overall, I'm happy that I haven't responded or reacted to what he says unless it requires a response. I've also learned that although I know h is lying and some of the things he says are absolutely ridiculous, I feel better not responding or reacting. It feels counter intuitive (because I may want to say " you are lying!"), however reacting does not make me feel better. I shared some of this with IC and told her it's fine that I know stuff, but throwing it back in his face or reacting with a singer won't make me feel better or make the r better. Did I sound like a PSA? Thank you DB for helping me learn this!

I'm cycling between anger and embarrassment. It's a process. It IS difficult to try to comprehend that 6 months ago I knew our m needed some attention, although this never crossed my mind. Another lesson learned. Never say never. I also refuse to own some of the crazy stuff he says. I made mistakes in the m, however I'm not the most evil woman on the planet.

Going to dinner with a friend tomorrow night. D9 said I must be home by 10 and she will be waiting up for me. Last time I was gone for 5.5 hours and d got very upset.

I'm always sad to see newcomers to this board, but I'm grateful to be learning all that I am. Even if it was unexpected and a club I wasn't dying to join::-)

[makingmagic]

Hi G'belle.... just wanted to jump in and say thank you for the times you popped on my thread to offer your support.

I wanted to come on your thread & do the same...

FWIW... you sound like you are doing really well & that you have been DB'ing well. I think I am finally making some progress with my self worth & acceptance. I learned pretty early in the process about reacting vs. responding & about being baited. I am very grateful for these lessons.... I prefer to use them & be happy vs. being right.

Keep up the good work. Take care.

Magic!

[Georgiabelle]

Thanks Magic. Yes, a friend of mine who started dbing 4 years ago always tells me to "stay the course" and "don't take the bait."

So funny for all. Last night, h did watch s4 (the one he likes-his words) while d9 and I played trivia. S11 is with family this week. When I got home, h scurried back to his dorm (I kid:) and I smelled something odd. I checked s4- no poop. I check cat litter box- no poop. We go to bed. I still smell this odor in the am. The cat is meowing loudly. I go to the mud room and I find it. I guess s4 pooped in his pants. H did not dump poop or rinse underwear. Just left underwear with significant poop next to the cat's food dish. I talk about poop here more than anyone. D9 said, "mommy, why has daddy become a cliche' and what's his deal with doo-doo?" I smiled at her and said, " it's okay. " This man did change diapers and clean booties for years. I realize it's not a good time but eh.....


Getting some of the inside of the house painted next week. Color choice? Fog. Had a few sad moments this am. Also had a few laughs.

Thanks for everyone's input. I do appreciate it!