Barrybran - New Thread

[Barrybran]

Yeah. We've just had a discussion about my affairs again. First one since February. All of the previous discussions have coincided with times when she seemed kind of confused about what she wanted. If this time is the same it stands to reason that yes, she is noticing and asking herself questions. If that's true then I'm on the right path.

I have a heavy heart at the moment. I've put her through a hell of a lot. It's been one year since the last of the affairs ended. I've been faithful since this time though I've only understood the extent of her feelings for six months. I wish I could make things better. I know all too well by now that I have to keep being me and let her walk her journey.

It's tough finding the line between taking the arse kicking you deserve and standing up for your current self. I understand very well why I got into the position that led me to my affairs. I know I am a different person now though. One thing I feel strongly about is that I am not going to let my past self define my future self. My wife told me she believes I am seeing someone else or am on the lookout for someone else and I again told her that I am not dating or interested in dating anyone else. I took it a step further this time to say that while we are living our own lives, I see myself as a married man committed to my wife and children, that I am going to live my life this way and that I have no expectations that she will join me on my journey. I spoke these words from my core once again.

I feel kind of bruised at the moment. Of course, I've brought it on myself. It's something I know I need to shake off so I can get back on the PMA wagon and soldier on forward like I have been. I do feel that she could walk out and I'd be fine. I also feel that we have a future together. And as much as I hate this, I know I have to remain patient. I read in the paraphernalia that it can take 2-3 years to restore trust after infidelity and whilst I've been faithful for a year, it's really only been 6 months of understanding my wife's feelings and it could be argued that it's been even less time developing trustworthy habits.