A new M--a new me, a new him!

[reachingHigher]

It's been a few months since I have last posted or really read here on the forum.

Just wanted to catch you all up and provide some encouragement to those seeking resolution in their M's.

My H and I are TOTALLY reconciled!

Christmas of last year, H took me out to an expensive dinner and gave me a sincere and heartfelt deep apology for all the grief and trouble he put me through!

We are very close, yet have each changed in our own ways. We are growing individually and together. We are learning to appreciate and accept each other's differences.

I remember reading a long time ago here on the forum a poster who said that he thought that M repair took 1 month for every year married. That has been about accurate for our M.

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My H plans things with his guy buddies occasionally. I have attended quite a few social gatherings with his new friends (men and lots of single girls) he acquired during MLC. I have not been welcomed with as much enthusiasm as I would wish, but I have learned to ignore the coldness I receive at times, and just try to enjoy this part of my H....a part of his life he has let me into.

A telling time for me was when we celebrated our 16th anniversary this month and attended a cookout with about 20 people -- some from H's drinking group and some new people. H brought a cake that said "happy anniversary to H and rH" and when we ate our pieces he fed me and I fed him....with people watching, gasp! Also, he then took me to a beautiful restaurant later in the evening. We had such a fine time!!

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We plan our weekends together; we plan our future together. I receive the most gorgeous cards from him at special occasions! No conversation topic is off limits. We hug and cling to one another every night. My H says he is "in-love" with me now. Much of our R is solid friendship, tho, I would say. Our mutual past history is a joy to have as part of who we are. We don't share passwords on electronic devices but I have every password for every financial account and we don't hide our phones or computer usage from one another.

I have been a licensed realtor now for three months (a brand new job borne out of the MLC time--b/c I thought I would have to go back to work after being a SAHM). I have an appointment for my first listed house today and the woman listing it also provided me with a buyer -- so things are looking up.

I am making a few friends of my own at work and at a health club where I attend classes with other women my age. It has felt so good to start working on me again instead of working so hard and worrying so much about getting my M back!

Our family life has definitely changed, but is solid. H and our boys (ages 14 and 20) spent two evenings ago trying to outdo each other in how many push-ups they could do! There was fun and laughter all around!

There has been a huge loss of trust from our boys in H, but as the months roll by, and my H continues to show himself trustworthy, I see some trust creeping back from them.

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My H constantly is looking for new entertainment events to take me to. He seems happy and satisfied with hobbies at home. He no longer is antsy on a day off at home. He revels in taking up large projects on our homestead.

We are much more honest with one another in feelings. We have been working for 17 months on our M and b/c we have been together a while...it is easy to let things slide. It's so important to keep the idea of growth...me growing, him growing...and careful attending to the M as if it were a valuable plant...or expensive artwork...or a valued hobby. Money, time, and thought are all investments we have to continually make to keep this M strong!

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I would say this whole journey has been incredible....and well worth it! I have a wonderful M. I like who I am and who I am becoming. There are some things about H that are forever changed. I am learning to accept and appreciate this new him. He has grown in every area of his life, as I have as well.

Courage, my friends here on the forum! For those of you who aren't done yet, it has been well worth my time invested in my M.

And my forever thanks to those who helped me through here....you know who you are...those of you who held my hand during the dark, dark days!