Back to basics

[LongRoad06]

I think all this GALing has made me sick. I was running a bad fever yesterday. Today, no fever, but my throat hurts.

Question for the board and those who have dealt who have spouses with toxic friends: how do you keep yourself away from them?

After reflecting a lot on it, H has a LOT of toxic relationships. Guys who cheat on their wives, guys who say they are staying until the kids are 18 then leaving, guys who are chauvinistic jerks to the point they force their wives not to work when the wife wants to work, his mother who is an evil person, etc.

How in the world, if we were to stay together, do I separate myself from that? I mean, I want no part of them any longer. They all support being sneaky, lying, and all around I do not see them as good people. H does because of course they support anything and everything he does, to include being a financial idiot. They are enablers who have all chipped in so he could go on trips he couldn't afford, bail him out in money situations etc. etc. They all have the money to do it, so why not right?

I really would never care to see any of them again. H will have to see for himself that they are good or bad, and make a decision based on that. He's known them since he was young, so I deep down, I don't see that happening. I just need to know how I can avoid ever dealing with them again. Obviously, if the D goes through, I don't have to worry about it. However if it doesn't...it would create huge arguments if I refused to engage in any sort of interaction with those people.

Then there's this development, which really screwed up things.

A friend of mine I go to for male advice apparently sent H an email and felt that "as a friend of [LongRoad06] and as a Christian, I feel I need to send this." This is a coworker at my part time job, is older than H, was divorced about the same age as H will be if this goes through, etc. He told him he thinks he was making a big mistake, but that if H goes through with this, all the better for him because he has pretty deep feelings for me. That said, he told H he was pushing for us to stay together (he was a pastor in a former life - so says the Bible says men and women should not divorce.) He added that I haven't ever acted like I see him as more than a friend and father figure. It was long, and I was mortified. I had been hanging out with friend in group settings, and H knew everyone there when I was out GALing, but has never met this person.

He asked H not to forward the email to me. H of course did, and said "see how you lead guys on?" I calmly told him to re-read the portion where said friend said I was so hung up on H I wasn't able to see him as more than a friend, and never had. He was ticked I was hanging out with this guy, even in a group setting. I never knew the guy had feelings for me. He has never hit on me, never told me I was better off without H, and has acted more like a father than anything else. The only issue I have, is that when he found out H and I had ML, he told me I was losing my self respect by doing that, and that H was just using me as I was convenient. I didn't appreciate that to say the least. He went on to say we should not talk or hang out until the D is final.

I wish he wouldn't have sent that. H now has a vendetta against this guy. H keeps telling all his "friends" that this will all be final June 23, but has yet to draw up paperwork, schedule a court date, etc. He has been going out of his way to help around the house; when I was sick he was getting me tea and advil, took the baby so I could take a nap and general things like you'd hope a spouse would do for you around the house when you were sick.

I know I'm forgetting some things as it's been a while since I've posted. As I remember, I will make another post under this one.

Still don't know where this is going, and now it seems like a mess after said email. That said, continuing on the GAL front, and excited about a lot of changes going in to the house. It's finally beginning to feel like a "home" versus a house that I live in. I have put pictures on the walls, doing the patio, did the flowerbeds, planning on painting, got an actual bed versus a mattress on a metal frame for the master, and a few other small things that just add up to making it a "home."

Tonight is anger management. I was going to go out, but lymph nodes still hurt and throat is on fire, so calling it an early night.