Then make arrangements for you and your sons or at least the youngest to have a nice dinner together after he's done. And don't invite your W.
So,she is actually packing her bags in front of me...
It am just acting like nothing is happening...
She is wearing her wedding band while doing this...
Is she nuts , fogged out,,cake eating,,,,I am totally flabbergasted
She is in IC claiming it's because she is " conflicted".
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
Personally (and I haven't read your background), if my wife were going off to be with another man for two weeks, and TOLD me about it, her stuff would all be boxed up and on the lawn when she got back. But that's just me.
she's off to have a great vacation with OM. basically with your blessing. of course she's going to be happy. at this point she doesnt care what happens after. she only needs to pretend until she gets to the airport. I'd guess in her mind, she doesnt even think about what will happen when she gets back, she probably just shuts down any thought of it.
and yes, my X. never ended the affair, continued to say one thing and do another. pretended to me and her family that she was working on the marriage. lied when she had to.
Basically everything your x is doing.
Of the many things i did wrong, I most regret not taking a stand. I tried the nice guy approach, the understanding husband approach, the TIMID approach. they all failed.
Starsky was there giving me the same advice and i should have taken it. But i was scared. i took the non-confrontational way out. I chose inaction.
What you need to think about is this: IF she comes back and says she's done with OM, are you strong enough to truly forgive her sleeping with him? All those gory details she gave you, can you forgive them?
because at the time i was going through it, i thought i could, i thought she was the love of my life and i would love her forever. (that was simply the psychology of wanting what i couldnt have) Looking back now, i know that i was only fooling myself. i would have despised her for it, i would have held it over her. and if i had prevented the divorce, i would only have delayed it.
my advice to you is stand up for yourself and show some self-esteem, some pride.
tell her that if she goes, then its over. and then when she goes, work to make it so. when she comes back, serve her the papers and take a stand for yourself and your children.
obviously your children know what is happening, set a good example on how a man should be.
Last edited by KenF; 05/28/1401:21 PM.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
obviously your sons know what is happening, set a good example on how a man should be.
Edited -- and repeated -- for emphasis. Many people in these situations forget that their children are watching . . . often from the very-formative young-adult, teen and pre-teen years. And what they learn from watching how YOU deal with this adversity will play a very large role in how they interact (especially with the other sex) in their adult lives, and how they handle adversity.
Starsky was there giving me the same advice and i should have taken it. But i was scared. i took the non-confrontational way out. I chose inaction.
Yeah, I do remember beating you up pretty good, Ken -- sorry about that. There was another "Ken-something" username back then too that was doing much the same thing, and I even seem to recall myself posting something about "What is it with guys named 'Ken'??!"
Don't be too hard on yourself. We can never see our own sitches the way others can from 10,000 feet -- I certainly couldn't! If you go back to MY old threads, you can see Corri and NOPkins and Hairdog and many other of the old vets giving me lots and lots of 2x4's.
Starsky, there is absolutely no reason for apologies. You were right, and you gave me good, honest, straightforward advice. I just wasnt ready to follow it. I did see it, i knew you were right, but wasnt man enough to put it into action. too much fear of confrontation. too much fear of doing the wrong thing.
and this is why i see what i see in Oxfords situation.
if she fell in love with Oxford for being manly and strong, then Oxford needs to be manly and strong now. and this means includes making the hard decisions.
Last edited by KenF; 05/28/1403:01 PM.
"In a ham and eggs breakfast, the hen is involved, but the pig is committed".
SO I have watched some of Michele's Videos and read DB.
It does not seem like she says I should leave or kick her out...
I just started seeing a PhD who was our MC, then we stopped seeing her when it looked like we were OK, then after DD when the wife moved back home she felt conflicted so WS started seeing this PHD as an IC.
Now I started seeing her as a relationship coach.
She wants me to stay, but get a life... And work on me.
Big question, has anyone on this board actually seen an affair end with a wife who keeps traveling to meet and live with the OM?
I am starting to feel like R is a pipe dream....
W 53 H 51, S 16, S 21 33 years M 28 DD 3 Feb 11, 2014 S21 and His Fiancée move in with us 8/14 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...965#Post2477965
Big question, has anyone on this board actually seen an affair end with a wife who keeps traveling to meet and live with the OM?
Yes, it's quite possible OM1 will kick her to the curb at some point. The question is, will she have lost all respect (and therefore, ATTRACTION, and therefore, LOVE) for you because you didn't take a stronger, more principled stand. And then of course whether or not you've addressed your own issues.
If not, then there's a very high likelihood she'll just run to OM2.
