Although, I am not going to worry about it or overthink it....right?
That is what you say, because you have learned that it is the correct response. However, in reading the above exchanges, it's not what you did. Can you re-read your post and see that?
I received a text message today from that male "friend" who tried to sabotage any chances with Xbf. He was asking me to join him at a family function. I decided to tell my Xbf about this, as I had nothing to hide. . . .
. . . He listened to my opinion, etc. He was expressing how he will be using that real estate agent that is attracted to him. . . .
Telling my x about that call, was to clear any concerns that he has been having or could potentially have. I was not telling him to get him jealous, if thats what you mean.
Also, not seeing his game-play... he was telling me how he will be using that agent as she is his best choice.
Can you explain further?
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Yes, that Is what I "say" and am trying to make it my "way".
Tx, Magic
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Telling my x about that call, was to clear any concerns that he has been having or could potentially have. I was not telling him to get him jealous, if thats what you mean.
Also, not seeing his game-play... he was telling me how he will be using that agent as she is his best choice.
Can you explain further?
Sure: I'm saying I'm not buying any of what you're selling right there ^^^.
I don't understand...?? I was asking you the question.
If you are referring to trying to make my x jealous... I have tried to do the complete opposite. The guy in question is of no comparison to my xbf. He is short, I like them tall. I went face to face with my x explaining that I am not interested in him at all. When I told him about the dinner offer, it was to share with him the effort that this x-friend is trying to make and we laughed about it. As if, I would ever trust this person again!!. It was not at all anything to be jealous over.
What about his part?? where is his game ??
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
You are both using a member of the opposite sex to play games and attempt to re-attract the other back into the relationship, in my opinion. You can SAY you're not, or that "I'm not attracted to him . . . at ALL!" and such, but it's much like the wayward wife who attempts to reassure her husband about her OM with the "Oh, no! I'm not attracted to him at all! In fact, I think he may be gay!" script.
Magic, Why did you feel the need to tell your xbf about the text message from your male friend? Where you attempting to get a reaction out of him? If so, his response what you expected. You and your xbf are no longer in a committed relationship, so unless the messages are business related or something to do w/your family, you might want to think about keeping the personal texts to yourself. You both are living separate lives and until things change it's not necessary to share such things w/him unless you are attempting to get a reaction.
You mentioned that your nose got out of joint...why? What created it?
Also, why not go the dinner this evening? You worked hard and have earned the right to go as a business partner. If your xbf should ask you about going, you should think about it. This is a golden opportunity to shine and show your xbf that you can do things w/o expectations. This is a good time to network and meet up w/people and have an enjoyable night out, i.e., it would be something you could share w/him or you could attend solo. Many people do that as well...but go and enjoy yourself. But, if you would much prefer to stay home and brood, by all means do so. The only person you are hurting is yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I don't know about this... because initially I thought I shouldn't tell him about that male text offer, but felt that I was hiding it. So, I took the honest approach. I did not say it to him in a "be-jealous" way. It was matter of fact. I just wanted to be honest. Not for reaction. As for him, I think he was basically just telling me that he wants to present an offer & will be using her to do so.
I don't see any game playing.
We just got off the phone. Last night he called that agent & asked her to draw up the papers to put in an offer.
I guess my job is to not act/be jealous.... but I am! This is my nose out of joint. Because he is doing this "without" me in partnership/relationship.... although he is informing me & keeping me in the loop.
As for the dinner thing... I don't know... Yes, I used to enjoy it because it was an outing for both of us & free. He would use this "free" dinner as a date night for us (he can be cheap!!). I don't go to network & meet other people, its too busy for that. I feel that If I go, it makes me look desperate to accept any of his time and its not even a real date.
Starsky?... your thoughts on association cocktails?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
I don't know about this... because initially I thought I shouldn't tell him about that male text offer, but felt that I was hiding it. So, I took the honest approach. I did not say it to him in a "be-jealous" way. It was matter of fact. I just wanted to be honest. Not for reaction. As for him, I think he was basically just telling me that he wants to present an offer & will be using her to do so.
I don't see any game playing.
Maybe you don't.
Maybe that's part of the problem.
Or maybe I'm just wrong . . . I certainly could be.
Just thought I'd throw it out there. But I do believe that when multiple people, from multiple backgrounds and experiences all tell you the same things . . . that it's worth considering. I only threw it out there because you're always saying "Please show me where I ________." And so I did.
also Starsky... Im not sure if you are up to date with that male x-friend. He tried to intentionally sabotage any chances with my X. As he wanted me for himself. I just found out that he would call my X in the middle of the night telling him about "us".. even though there was NEVER an "us". He told lies of how we were "together" to other friends, etc. So.... I have a real HATE on for this guy & do not trust him. When this all broke loose a few weeks ago, my Xbf had concerns that I needed to clear up. I had to earn & gain his trust on this issue. My honesty to Xbf was to inform him that he was making an attempt at reconnecting again... that is what my motivation was for telling him yesterday. To just be honest. I have NOTHING to do with this guy!!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
