I kept up my good PMA while I was at D7's swim lessons with H. He wanted to talk about why I think D7 would benefit from speaking to a therapist. I had already told him briefly when he asked last week. I mentioned to him some of the things she has said. He got kind of confrontational about it because I hadn't mentioned each instance to him previously. Keep in mind that one of the recent times when I said to him, "I need to talk to you about something D7 said last night," he replied with, "Ugh, Is it going to make me feel guilty?" Totally makes me want to share these things with him. I told him that it isn't just what she's said. I feel like she's experiencing some anxiety and think that there is probably some stuff that I haven't picked up on. He said that he agreed with me...and then still continued to question. I did stay calm the entire time.
After that, he wanted to ask me lots of questions about a job interview I went on today. That included questions like, "How much money would they need to offer you for you to leave your current job?" He also offered suggestions on what he thought I should ask for. It's like he still wants to know every detail of my life. He just wants to keep his secret.
Interesting story: Tonight when I went to H's apartment to tuck D7 in, she mentioned to me that he forgot to give her chocolate cake even though he said he would. I said, "You and daddy have chocolate cake?" She told me that they did have it in the refrigerator. I assumed that H must have purchased one because I have never known him to bake anything, at all, in 14 years. D7 then told me that Daddy told her that it didn't turn out quite right. She suggested that I teach him to be a better baker so that he didn't mess it up next time. First, H does not like cake. At all. It isn't like he and D7 baked it together. He just baked a cake while she was with me over the long weekend. So, then I started wondering if he so badly wants to feel like he has a "home" that he decided to bake something to see if he could create that. Total mind reading, I know.
I realized today that I really need to work on my desire to "fix" things for my H. When I took D7 to the doctor last week, I had to pay the bill for the appointment that was a couple of weeks before. I do not have a great insurance plan, so it is pretty pricey for a doctor's visit. We are supposed to be splitting medical expenses evenly, so I told H that I paid that bill, but there would be another one for a similar amount in a couple of weeks. He said, "So, I need to figure out how to pay for it?" I told him that was my suggestion for how to handle it. He called me today and asked if he could use his HSA card to pay for it. I told him that he could, but that I hadn't gotten the bill yet. He went on to say that he didn't think he could afford it unless he was able to use his HSA debit card. Normally, he uses that health savings account to pay for his therapy appointments. He told me he would have to cancel one of his upcoming appointments to have the funds available. So, being me, I said, "Do you just want me to pay it? I know your therapist is helping you, so I don't want you to have to miss that." He told me that he did not want me to do it because it was his responsibility. I let the subject drop. I think this is definitely somewhere I need to work on improving. It isn't my job to rescue my H. Still, I hate to see him struggling so much.
Tomorrow I'm having lunch with a former boss of mine who became a very good friend. I haven't seen him in months, so I'm pretty excited to catch up with him.
I told him that it isn't just what she's said. I feel like she's experiencing some anxiety and think that there is probably some stuff that I haven't picked up on. He said that he agreed with me...and then still continued to question. I did stay calm the entire time.
