Well I had a great time in Sydney. Work was stimulating and I caught up with some friends also. It was like 26 degrees C too, so nice and hot for me calibrated to Wellington, NZ weather. My friends wanted to hear how things were going, but they thankfully didn’t give me too much advice or opinions on my prospects.
I went out for a dinner and then drinks on Saturday evening and at one place beautiful female approached me. I enjoyed her company and felt really good about being attractive to someone – even if superficially. She asked for my phone number and to get in touch if I was ever back in Sydney. I gave her the number as I was flattered, but I don’t expect anything further to come from it.
Back home, I was also given a boost when my gym selected me as their ‘member of the month’. I think it’s a bit like a “Most Improved Player” award, as I’m quite bookish, but I have been committed to working-out this last year, and I was happy that my efforts were acknowledged by the coaches.
I was missing D2 a lot when in Sydney, and when I returned I sent W an email asking whether she was "ok". It was on my mind to do, but it was also prompted by an email from the crèche about an outbreak of nits. I wanted to know if D2 had nits including to prepare for this weekend.
W advised that D2 didn’t have nits. And in any case she wasn’t sure if D2 would be going to crèche this week as W had broken her foot and couldn’t drive or walk (yet). I felt very sorry for W and a strong sense that I wanted to look after her. When we were dating my nickname for W was “T-1000” based on that machine in Terminator 2. It was a joke (she found it funny too – believe or not), but she can be so hardy and self sufficient to an extreme. I love/d it about her because I often feel vulnerable emotionally and dependent, yet I also see her T1000 ability as playing a role in our breakdown because she put up with more than she should for too long (and didn’t let me know – not that I should have needed to be told).
I am working on trying to be less vulnerable emotionally/sensitive, by not taking everything personally – which I see often linked to a need to be “right”. Needing to be “right” is a major issue for me and it’s really only been this personal tragedy that has put that in focus. I guess I still feel it as a primary motivator, but recognise there are better ways to pursue it – including picking your battles and people like Ghandi and Mandela who pursue change well. On dependency, I’m finding that perhaps opening up to more people spreads the burden and reveals richer ideas. Also, I now have a sense that my feelings are primarily my responsibility. So sorry this took so long and to hurt W to this extent.
I said that I was around to help if W needed it, and I also followed this up with a text message to reiterate that I was sorry to hear the news and (playfully) request that she not be a T1000 for the next little bit. She replied with 'thanks'. I usually get 'thanks' and nothing else. Go T1000! I also sent her a video of D2 and her cousin that was cute (hopefully to cheer her up) and she thanked me for that.
I don’t know how she broke her foot. I do know that she has enjoyed doing a lot of running since our separation, and that this is likely to be impossible for a while. I’d love to invite her around or take her out and look after her more. But, in line with Last Resort, I think I’ve done enough now and will leave it to her to contact me if she needs/wants anything from me. She did say that she would ensure it didn’t disrupt my weekend with D2 in the original reply to my nits email, and I am grateful for that.
As it happens I’ve been called to a town an hour's flight away for work on Friday, which is going to take me away from seeing D2 Friday evening and Saturday morning. My mum will see D2 and I will for Saturday afternoon and Sunday. It is frustrating/sad for me to see so little of D2. I did get her some new clothes in Sydney and am looking forward to seeing her in them and the time I do have with her.
Best wishes to you all out there DBing. Keep it up!
