Dealing with an ongoing affair

[PeterV2]

She had no childhood really. Sexually assaulted at 5. Parentified by a victim-mentality mother having to take care of 2 siblings and divorced mum for her whole childhood. Assaulted again at 12. Never could tell anyone because she would be blamed and shamed and dishonoured. Married to get away from family - ended up being a wife-beating drunkard who couldn't hold a job. She left him when her D was just a baby, but he continued to stalk and assault her for 10 years. Finally got free and ended up with another alcoholic for 4 years (not married). When daughter was 17 I met her and she thought I was her sanctuary - I thought I was too. But I was going through a messy divorce and that wasn't really fair to put her through all my turmoil at the time. But we eventually married after 4 years of dating. I thought we were both happy, but when we bought our house together about 9 months after marrying she went into a major depressive disorder, complex PTSD and left her job. She kept busy around the house - there was lots to do, and I became obsessively busy. She wanted to spend more time with me but I kept adding stuff to my plate. Then I sold my 3 rental properties and we bought the retirement home. She now says she feels she was pressured into the purchase. She had to suddenly run a business and I guess I wasn't helping her enough. Eventually she had enough of my busyness and walked away. I am now calmer, a lot less busy. Now she begrudges my free time, but I'm keeping that open for her. But she is feeling very tired.

She came by today and brought me lunch. We had a pleasant talk and did some admin work for the RH in my office. She left to go back to work at the RH. I went to see a client and had dinner out by myself. She called and asked if I could bring her something so I brought her dinner she ate at the RH and we had a couple of glasses of wine and talked - pleasant stuff, and some laughs.
I guess she had a chance to think about what I had said last night about me feeling constantly criticized which caused me to withdraw and that the only positive reinforcement I got from her was for my accomplishments in business so that's why I just busied myself more & more. Today she said that I was a good father, in spite her earlier criticisms to the contrary. She saw that her criticisms of me were taken more harshly than intended as I had previously endure severe criticism from both my mother and my previous wife - so it was a tender spot for me. So she is starting to look at things from my perspective, which is a good sign.
Man this is indeed a roller coaster ride.
I'll check out that book. Thanks Sandi.