One of the things that has amazed me since I started reading through this site is the vast ocean of pain expressed here. It hurts to read it all, even in the midst of my own pain. Don't apologize for yours. It's a drop in a sorrowful ocean.
Give YOURSELF the gift of time, too. Detaching isn't an all at once thing. And it's also not something that just happens. On the infidelity forum there are a couple of threads that talk about "thought-stopping" -- where when you find yourself obsessing you imagine a huge stop sign and then move to another thought. Someone else talked about seeing the WAW as a crazy neighbor for a while, and then a hurting acquaintance, and then finally was able to have a close enough relationship where some of the hurt could heal. But still had to stay detached, because that's where the real closeness is.
None of these things is a magic bullet. It takes practice. I took yoga for several years and my instructor talked about "monkey mind" -- if you don't practice control over your thoughts your mind will go where it wants to go. You have to practice in small bits at first, and then grow to larger bits, and eventually you get CLOSE to detached.
But it looks like you have some other good ideas in motion so give yourself credit for those, and don't apologize.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
