What is my Next Move?

[Oxford1]

I need help on a decison.

I really cant afford to move out or kick her out .

She says when she comes back we should make all these plans etc..
she even wants to go out for our anniversary.

I just don't know what to do anymore.

My wife is going to Israel to see her OM, I worry this could be it..she says they wont have sex and that shes coming home...

My head hurts!!

[Starsky309]

I am so worried that when she goes to a Israel she will fall deeper for OM
And when she returns we will be done.

If it were my wife, I would be "done" REGARDLESS of whether or not she fell more deeply for him. Simply GOING would be enough for ME to decide that *I* was done!!!

Why is she doing this to you? For the same reason that dogs lick themselves. Sorry to be so blunt Oxford, but your weakness is no doubt a huge turn-off for your wife at this point. You can stand up strong to her and still lose her, that is true -- there are no guarantees. But I can pretty much GUARANTEE you that if you DON'T . . . you WILL lose her.

Your wife will begin respecting your marriage as soon as you do.


Starsky

[Wonka]

Oxford,

She says when she comes back we should make all these plans etc..
she even wants to go out for our anniversary.

I would ask that you read ^^ out loud....how's that sounding to you in the context of the active affair with the OM?

What DO you want? What are your boundaries?

[KenF]

"She says when she comes back we should make all these plans etc..
she even wants to go out for our anniversary."

She's simply saying anything to push you off so that you dont try to prevent her from going. She'll deal with whatever fallout when she gets back.

"My wife and I get along better than ever, except she claims she is not ready to give up OM."

the getting along part is her faking it.
the not ready to give up OM is the truth.

When my x was having her affair, she'd always get happy when she was on her way to see him, or on her way back afterwards.

listen to Starsky, his advice is good.

[MrBond]

"she's confused and needs him to understand..."

Understand what? It's also naive for her to say that she's not going to have sex with him. As if that is going to make you feel better.

If you can't kick her out due to your current situation. I suggest that you don't be home when she returns. Go and take your kids somewhere on a trip. FAR away. Leave a note for her telling her that you will be gone a few days and leave it at that.

If she tries to text or call you, ignore them all. Concentrate on your kids.

[Oxford1]

What decision are you looking to make? Decide between what?

I have been told that when she returns she should find a letter telling her I have left and that when she decides to work on our marriage then I will consider coming back.

Thing is we are financially strapped right now due to some bad decisions..

I so wish I could just leave...

I know my S16 would want her to, but I am doing all the dad stuff , taking him to school etc etc..
If I leave she has to do all that stuff..she won't be able to work out in the AM ,
Blab on the phone with OM...she will have to be his Mom...

[Oxford1]

I am so worried that when she goes to a Israel she will fall deeper for OM
And when she returns we will be done.

If it were my wife, I would be "done" REGARDLESS of whether or not she fell more deeply for him. Simply GOING would be enough for ME to decide that *I* was done!!!

Why is she doing this to you? For the same reason that dogs lick themselves. Sorry to be so blunt Oxford, but your weakness is no doubt a huge turn-off for your wife at this point. You can stand up strong to her and still lose her, that is true -- there are no guarantees. But I can pretty much GUARANTEE you that if you DON'T . . . you WILL lose her.

Your wife will begin respecting your marriage as soon as you do.


Starsky

By strong do you mean...I move out, throw her out...or demand she not go...I tried the demand part..

Did not work to well...

[Oxford1]

Oxford,

She says when she comes back we should make all these plans etc..
she even wants to go out for our anniversary.

I would ask that you read ^^ out loud....how's that sounding to you in the context of the active affair with the OM?

What DO you want? What are your boundaries?

What I want is for her to end this dumb fantasy she is in...
I don't know why she does not see OM for what he is like all his other APs eventually did.

What I want is my wife and my family back...

[Oxford1]

"She says when she comes back we should make all these plans etc..
she even wants to go out for our anniversary."

She's simply saying anything to push you off so that you dont try to prevent her from going. She'll deal with whatever fallout when she gets back.

"My wife and I get along better than ever, except she claims she is not ready to give up OM."

the getting along part is her faking it.
the not ready to give up OM is the truth.

When my x was having her affair, she'd always get happy when she was on her way to see him, or on her way back afterwards. you say X, did she end her affair and you left anyway?

listen to Starsky, his advice is good.

[Oxford1]

"she's confused and needs him to understand..."

Understand what? It's also naive for her to say that she's not going to have sex with him. As if that is going to make you feel better.

If you can't kick her out due to your current situation. I suggest that you don't be home when she returns. Go and take your kids somewhere on a trip. FAR away. Leave a note for her telling her that you will be gone a few days and leave it at that.

If she tries to text or call you, ignore them all. Concentrate on your kids.

I am not communicating while she is away...my kids s21 and S16 refuse to as well.

Thing is my S16 will be right smack in the beginning of finals...when she returns...