Hey DB, Can you elaborate? It seems PMs are disabled
quote=db2013]Riley, a thought on the cleaning.
For our sit. the 'issues' began with complaints I was not doing enough to help with the housework. Within a a few months, I was pretty much doing all of it but the still got the same complaint. We even went to MC which resulted in...a detailed sheet outlining what to clean!
Then, a new complaint began. I was not cleaning things the right way...
My point is that there was a much bigger underlying issue that I sensed but could not put my finger on. It took IC and coaching for me to realize how common this pattern is in marriages. In my case, I was a pleaser, not one to take initiative in our M and deferred everything to my W.
And, in MC's opinion and my own, that the nagging about cleaning was actually her way of trying to reach out to me and signalling that we were drifting apart. And, a way of testing if I could stick up for myself and to her. The irony is her complaints confused me and causing me to withdraw, which caused her to push more, with a downward spiral.
I don't know if this is exactly what is happening in your sit. but thought sharing this may help you see past the cleaning issue to what may be driving it
A great book which helps to explain some of these dynamics is 'Hold Me Tight' by Dr. Sue Johnson.
It really helped to clear up my confusion about what happened.
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"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay." ~ Will Smith
