Continue leaving the rope on the ground and now it's time for your words to meet your actions as well. Leave him be to mull over what you have stated and do not say another word to him about it. Give him the time he needs and continue moving forward w/your life.
No, you've made yourself very clear. You do not need to clarify anything else. Leave him be to mull things over. Step back, leave the rope on the ground and go about your business. Actions speak louder than words...give him the time and space he requires. You can't rush this...
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
THANK YOU !!! I have a new roll of duct tape & plan to use it!!!
He also stated that he likes that we are in discussion and "talk" about the possibility of reconciliation. That it is always a possibility.
That he is worried/scared that we may fall back into our old patterns. I stated that I am too.. but, how do we know if we don't try? If we try and it doesn't work, then we tried. That I too want a successful relationship and that because I have done the work on myself & am still wanting to pursue "relationship 101 courses", that I now have some tools that could help.
I will NOT say another word... nor will I entertain any more circular R talk... how would I say that?... if/when that convo arises again.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
GM~ For the 1,000,001th time... I went another round with him yesterday. However, I got to a point... told him I was tired of circular convo's that lead back to nowhere. It lead back to him saying "i dunno".
You've already told him that you were tired of circular convo's. When they come up and appear to be circular, have you cut them short or changed the subject entirely? Your actions will be what changes the conversations and how things are discussed. You do have control over how those conversations go...so use your tools and either cut the convo's short or change the subject, but you don't need to tell him that they are circular because he already knows it.
Yes, it's always a possibility that you will reconcile....but the question is...how long are you willing to wait until he gets his head out of his @ss?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
To my team: I'm feeling very good today!! I feel a sense of weight off my shoulders and some pride. Not sure of how to describe it actually. I was really really scared to let him know how I felt and that I am at the end of my rope...the last chance bus has arrived.... are you getting on? I was afraid that he could turn that into "ahhh, she is still there...waiting".... but, I see & have said that this is a short opportunity.. & will stick to my guns. I just really hope he views this as "asking" and that an answer is required.
Is it fair to say that I have control of myself and/or situation here? That somehow now, the ball is in my court. That I have the position of "this is my standard"... do you accept or not.. cuz, if you don't... I'm ok & moving on?
Does it sound like that? Sure feels like it.
Thank you Job for pointing out that I have tools to end the convo early or switch topics should it be circular or not even entertain it at all... knowing that I should do this to save myself feels better.
Yep... all talk no action!
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
Is it fair to say that I have control of myself and/or situation here? That somehow now, the ball is in my court. That I have the position of "this is my standard"... do you accept or not.. cuz, if you don't... I'm ok & moving on?
Are you asking if you should say this to him? If you are...no, you don't say another word to him about it. Keep your mouth shut, duct tape it or whatever you need to do. Your actions needs to match up w/your words. You said you'd give him time, so give him time.
Magic, you have had control over you and your situation for quite some time...you just have to decide when you've had enough of the bs and how long you are willing to wait around for him to commit. Again, the question you need to ask yourself...how long are you willing to wait? One year, two, or more? What if he never commits? Look at how much time you will have wasted waiting for someone who is quite happy w/his life the way it is right now. Live your life to the fullest because you never know what tomorrow will bring. You don't want to waste one minute more than necessary when there is so much to do and experience in this world. We don't get the opportunity to "do over" once we are gone.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
hmmmm... lets put it this way... I am not "waiting" for his answer.
Im just going forward now.
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I was not asking if I should say that to him (no more talks for him)... I was asking you guys!! LOL
I feel it may be part of demonstrating self value/worth.
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
"I was not asking if I should say that to him (no more talks for him)... I was asking you guys!! LOL"
Only can you can determine the answers to the above. What have you learned from the conversations that you've had w/him over the last several weeks. How do you feel about them and the fact that he's still right where he was a year ago in the "I dunno" spot.
You've begun to make progress in understanding that you are the only one in control of your destiny. You are learning that in order to be heard, that you can't be afraid to speak up, however, once you've spoken leave the subject alone. There is no need to continue to clarify your thoughts if you have spoken clearly about your needs, etc. You are learning to make decisions for yourself instead of seeking them from everyone else and then picking and choosing what you think is right for you.
Now, you must ask yourself this...do you trust yourself enough to leave it alone for several weeks? Do you trust yourself to be okay and accept whatever he decides to do?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Realizing today that my R talk and request for reconciliation, will be put on *hold* as he now is fully focusing on the status of our business location and his possible new purchase for location.
Had a productive work day at home, then went into work. A short while later, got my typical coffee offer. Said sure. When he arrived with coffees, we sat in the office.
I received a text message today from that male "friend" who tried to sabotage any chances with Xbf. He was asking me to join him at a family function. I decided to tell my Xbf about this, as I had nothing to hide. When I did, he appeared to jokingly question his agenda. He then turned it into an odd question about meat. Then he proceeded to smirk and state that he was thinking of asking me out for dinner tomorrow. I was like "huh"? As he was smirking. I didn't respond and asked what he was smirking about. Turns out that our usual spring "business association cocktail date" is tomorrow evening (hence the meat comment). We typically enjoy this evening as it offers a variety of food to test, mingling with associates & high end vehicle viewing. I did not respond as we got off topic.
He then proceeded to discuss his options to make an offer for the property that we currently rent. He listened to my opinion, etc. He was expressing how he will be using that real estate agent that is attracted to him. He states that she is the best person for the job (due to a complicated connection of another separate business venture of selling his other property). I do see his point. However, I am jealous !! I try not to show it. I ask business related questions about it only... not personal or about her directly. As it was getting time to leave, I stated that I was leaving as another client call came through for him. I signalled for him to call me after that call to inform me of the client call. He did not. (all of this is soooo not like me... not like me to enquire & beg for information about the transaction or her). I buried my bone & left it alone.
A little while later, he texts about a business request but asks that I respond tomorrow.
This has my nose out of joint a bit... but trying to chill about it. DD and I watched TV and that helped take my mind off things. I know that he said earlier that he wants to "think" this evening... obviously about the business transaction & getting his offer organized. So.. I did not text back.
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A couple of things come to mind:
1) he now has a *justified* reason & cannot focus on our previous R talk. 2) as a friend pointed out yesterday, he stated that he is cautious of getting back together because he is scared that old behaviours/arguments will arise (I understand this) & that may be why he possibly is wanting to have light hearted fun before we get "serious". To lighten things back up, to ensure success ?? 3) although a different friend suggests that if I do that ^^^, he may just be looking to have his cake & getting it without commitment. Why commit, if he doesn't have 4) he asked for my time tomorrow for association dinner, however I think that it is too easy & not really considered a "date"... so should probably decline. If he wants a "date"...it should be a real one... not an association cocktail auction. Too easy!!! I'm not that desperate!! (although, I do enjoy that outing)
So... some things to think about...not sure what to make of any of it.
Although, I am not going to worry about it or overthink it....right?
M:46 H:49 T:20yrs myD:22 H distant summer/12 H sleeping in b'ment: Nov/12 BD: Dec 2/12 asked me begin to move end of Jan/13 moved Jan 7/13 (left my stuff) "agreed" to "working on r" Mar 3/13(lipservice!)
